Is Abuse Biblical Grounds for Divorce?

Three days ago I received an email from a brother in the Lord with a most interesting question. After answering his email, I thought this would be good to post. From the articles I had read on this topic, I hadn't come across one that I thought answered this question credibly. I hope I have done an adequate job biblically addressing a sensitive and serious subject that has grave ramifications.

NOTE: I have removed some of his email for privacy sake.
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"Hey it's ________. I met you a couple weeks back.... I had a question for you... _________ mentioned that ___________ believes abuse is biblical grounds for divorce. Can you expound on that and bring clarity? I've only seen two grounds for divorce in the Bible. Adultery and abandonment. I'm curious about abuse as well. Thanks. Hope you're having a great day"
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Hi ________,

Thanks for reaching out man! I wanted to respond to let you know I have received your email. And I am glad you asked rather than assumed. As a pastor, I appreciate someone wanting to check for biblical backing of a point made in a sermon. It shows you were listening and it holds us accountable to preaching the Word in proper context and interpretation.

Because I cannot speak for what __________ may have had in mind, I am going to answer your question as a merely stand-alone question proposed to me.

The Bible does not directly speak on abuse as grounds for divorce. And that may be because of 3 reasons:

1. God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16). Hence, there is not going to be many reasons for it permitted in Scripture.
2. Because there is no mention of spousal abuse whatsoever in Scripture that must not have been a common thing among the Jewish people during the time span from OT-NT. Thus, we're not going to find a correlating scriptural reference/example.
3. The Bible was not meant to be an encyclopedia. Therefore, we cannot expect to find a direct answer to everything.

Now, some will use 1Cor. 7:15 and stretch it to fit abuse. But that is an improper use of that text in context. If the abusive husband wants the marriage to end or to separate, then that verse can be enacted. Until then, that verse does not fit abuse. There are OT laws concerning violence against others (Exod. 21:12-27) that could be used for the argument of divorce from abuse. But contextually that was not the original intent of those verses. Furthermore, Jesus supersedes those laws by telling us to not resist an evil person but turn the other cheek (Matt. 5:38-39ff). To be clear, Jesus isn't affirming abuse or passivity. The context of that passage with Jesus has nothing to do with marriage. However, He is addressing how we are to rightly respond to mistreatment from another---(no retaliation, retribution, etc)---which can be applied to marriage.

So does that leave married women prey to abusive husbands? No. God hates sin and wickedness. Thus, He hates abuse of every form. And if God goes so far as to say that His wrath burns toward those who afflict widows and fatherless children (Exod. 22:22-24), then no doubt would this also include married women. So, in this case, it would be clear that God is on the side of the abused wife. But, He also hates divorce, which would appear to put abused wives in a catch-22. I believe the answer to this catch-22 is implied in 2 verses:

"Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death." (Prov. 24:11, NLT)
"But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers." (1Tim. 5:8, NLT)

Proverbs 24:11 demonstrates, in this case, that it is clearly acceptable and tactically responsible for an abused wife to rescue herself from her abusive husband (i.e. leave him and/or press charges so she can live). Even more, this is not only an imperative for her but also for anyone else who knows she's being abused (Prov. 24:12). 1Timothy 5:8 demonstrates, in this case because of the nature of abuse, that if there are children or others in an abusive home, it would be uncaring and a denial of faith for an abused wife to remain and allow her kids to remain in that home. And again, this is not only an imperative for her but the verse implies it is also toward any other family member who knows about the abuse.

I believe both of these verses imply that it is permissible and warranted for an abused wife to remove herself (and children) from her abusive husband. Does that removal have to be divorce? Could it be separation? I cannot answer those questions (and neither should anyone else but the wife) because each abuse case is different. What I can say with confidence is that there are biblical grounds for a wife to remove herself (and any kids) from that abusive husband---not out of retaliation or retribution but rather because she's trying to save her life (and care for her kids)---and I believe God is on her side because His wrath burns towards those who afflict others.

I hope that answers your question well enough, brother.

5/10/2017

See No Need To Become A Member? Pt. 2

"Chris, don't you think your last blog on this topic was pretty harsh?" 
To some it may have been. But that was not my intent. My intent was to show that those Christians I described who see no need or are not seeking to become a member of a local church and think they’re walking in obedience doing it are deceiving themselves and are in defiance of authority (rebellion). Allow me to also clear up my use of the term rebellion. I did not mean in using “rebellion” (in my previous blog or in this one) as in “full-fledge rebellion back into the old sinful life”, but simply “rebellion” as in “defiance of authority”. Also, it was not a directive towards all, just those who are guilty of it. (See Pt. 1 for context).

So what then is this “authority” I am speaking of, and why are we to be submitted to it, and is it really necessary to become a member of a local church?

1. The authority I'm speaking of is the authority of the local church and its leaders to hold its members (leaders included) accountable and when necessary administer correction (i.e. rebuking, admonishments, and consequences), according to the Scriptures (Tit. chs. 1-2, 1Pet. 5:1-3, Matt. 18:15-20, 1Cor. ch. 5, 2Tim. 4:1-2).

2. Why are we to be submitted to it? Because God said so or displayed so (Acts 16:4-5, Heb. 13:7, 17, 1Thess. 5:12-13, 1Tim. 5:17, 1Pet. 5:5; also every N.T. Letter is to a "local church(es)"). It's for our benefit that we obey how God has set-up the local church to lead His sheep. Why? Because God knows us infinitely better than we could ever know ourselves. He knows exactly what we need and how we need to be led. We just have to trust and follow His leading, His guidance, and His sovereign plan.

3. Is becoming a member of a local church necessary? Absolutely! Becoming a member of a local church is nothing more than being submitted to a local church's authority and leadership. Membership is saying I am making a commitment to regularly and consistently fellowship and grow with this specific group of born-again believers (Gr. ekklesia), and submit myself to this group's (i.e. local church) authority (accountability) and leadership (Acts 1:12-14; 2:42-47; 4:32-5:11; 6:1-7; 11:19-30). (And if there is a question of who are the leaders, the leadership of the local church are simply those who have been appointed to lead—e.g. pastor/elders, deacons/ deaconesses, and leaders of or in ministries). The answer above (#2) expresses to us the necessity of membership, and also why not becoming a member of a local church is disobedience to God and detrimental to us.

Allow me to paint a picture highlighting one factor of why local church membership is important. Christian X starts a war of words with Christian Y. Other believers and unbelievers see and hear this war of words. A mature believer comes and admonishes both Christian X and Y to handle this matter more Christlike. Neither of them receives the admonishment. Another believer attempts to do the same. They ignore that one as well. All the while this war of words has turned into slander, gossip, defamation of one another's character, and flat out unChristlike. Finally, a fellow believer from Christian Y's church finds out what's going on by someone who tried to admonish Christian Y. This believer sees Matthew 18 has been done and realizes that they must alert the leadership of the church. Christian Y is counseled by their pastor, and receives the correction and repents. Christian X however is not a member of a church. Therefore Christian X is not submitted to any authority. They can continuing to spew out their war of words, blatantly disregarding their witness for Christ, show hate for their brethren, and defiance of authority to be held accountable for their error and sin. How can this believer be held accountable according to Scripture if they are not under authority as Scripture states? There is no way for the accountability of Matthew 18:15-17 or 1Corinthians 5 to be fully carried out if there is no commitment and submission to a local church.

To say you're under God's authority or the Bible's authority but are not under a local church's authority is a misnomer. God says and displays in His Word that being submitted to the local church's authority and leadership is being submitted to His authority and leadership.

Maybe some of you are thinking, "Chris, what about those who have been abused by church authority or church leaders who abuse their authority?" Well, what constitutes abuse of authority? Anyone can say they have been abused by authority when it could be they just don't like to be held accountable for their actions. So how can one determine true abuse? 
Abuse is a corrupt use of authority, or excessive, or flagrant, or unwarranted, or deceitful, or manipulative, or reviling, or improper use for improper gain, and so on. Hopefully you get the picture. If the authority in question falls in one of these categories and it has been verified by more than one person, then it needs to be brought up and addressed. Also, don't automatically assume it's on purpose. Sometimes abuse of authority can happen out of ignorance; but it's still not without consequences. Abuse is a correctable action. Only if the abuse of authority is a continual issue or such an egregious act of abuse should the one guilty of abuse be removed from their authority; (the extent of the removal is a case-by-case base). (The Old Testament is full of a wide-range of stories from the Judges until Jesus about abuse of authority).

For believers who go to a church (presently) where leaders abuse their authority, here's my advice:

1. Remember to follow Matthew 18:15-17. If the situation is not biblically resolved, make the pastor aware of your concern, then give some time for the pastor to inquire and investigate your concern. If the concern is about the pastor, follow 1Timothy 5:19, and tell a trustworthy elder.

2. You can always leave. Local church membership is not an eternal covenant. Just make sure you don't leave divisively. If you have biblical grounds and evidence that there is something heretical or biblically unlawful going on, and it can and has been verified by others, yes you should warn others as you leave, but still do so in a way that is Christlike--seasoned with grace, and in decency and in order. Remember, Jesus is the Great Shepherd, the Omnipotent King, and He can take great care of His sheep whether we warn others or not and whether they receive the warning or not. Don't take on His responsibility. Commit it to Him. And be sure to get plugged in to a church where there is better transparency, accountability, and a grace-driven presence among leadership and the congregation to help guard from abuse.

For believers who have been abused by authority in the church, here's my word to you:

1. If there has not been a healing and restoration time, please do so. Go find a good, encouraging, and gentle-handed and honest Christian counselor to work through the scars and wounds left behind from the abuse. Trust the Holy Spirit to meet you throughout this time as you seek Him for your ultimate healing.

2. Forgiveness is an essential in your healing and moving forward from this abuse. The rest of Matthew 18 after verse 20 speaks right to why forgiveness is an essential. It's easy in our flesh to only want the abuser to be disciplined, humiliated, and some times even to repent, but how often do we desire to forgive the abuser. Jesus reminds us that we treated Him in our sin the same way as you have been abused (and worse) and He forgave you. Again, I know it may be hard, but think of what your sin did to Jesus and extend that same measure of grace and mercy to others as He extends to you. It's more beneficial for you than it is for the abuser.

3. I'll repeat my above point, don't take on God's responsibility. Commit your hurt, anger, vengeance, distrust, and so on to Him who judges righteously (1Pet. 2:21-24).

4. While it may be hard to submit to church authority again, don't group all churches (nor all leaders) in the same basket, and don't throw obeying the Scriptures out the window because of the sin of another. Regardless to what people do to us or not, it has nothing to do with us obeying the gracious and loving God who rescued us from our sin. If our obedience to Scripture is dependent upon how others obey them or not, none of us would ever obey Scripture. Don't let other sinners keep you from submitting to the authority of your Savior.

I know I haven't covered everything, and this is not a comprehensive study. However, I hope from what has been shared that I brought some clarity to membership and helped you better understand that being a member of a local church is being obedient to God's Word. I also hope that I have displayed compassion and grace-seasoned truth to those who may be reluctant to obey the Word regarding this topic because of the sin and hurt caused by others in authority in the church.

*None of what I've shared takes away brethren responsibility to hold one another accountable or correct, rebuke, admonish, counsel, encourage, and so on. I was purely focusing on the local church.

9/30/11