Power in Weakness

I heard a pastor talk on this passage on the radio the other day. It made me pull over, open up my Bible and do Bible study in a Travelodge parking lot. Here are some notes I jotted down. I love it when the Holy Spirit ministers to me, because He knows right what I need to hear and when I need to hear it.

2Cor. 12:8-10:

“I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me.” (NCV) “But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).” (AMP)

God said “His strength/power” is shown perfect in weakness. It is then in our weaknesses—not sin, but the reality of our powerlessness—that the power of Christ is presently active for us and in us. When we accept and admit that we are weak is when we are strong, because that is when God’s power/strength is displayed and most effective (made perfect) in us.

The Apostle Paul uses some positive radical phrases to describe a reality that we typically see as a negative or as something unwanted. He says, “most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities” (v. 9, NKJV) and “I take pleasure in infirmities... reproaches... needs... persecutions... distresses, for Christ sake” (v. 10, NKJV). If we want God’s power manifested in our life, then we must consistently remember and admit our weaknesses (powerlessness); for it’s only when we do this that in the bosom of our being we genuinely recognize that we need to call out for God’s power/strength in all areas of our life, and thus our weaknesses become the main avenue for our strength from Him.

“...for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).”

9/23/11 

Codependency vs. Submission

There is a very fine line between codependency and submission. One may think they're being submissive when in fact they are codependent. You have to know what each mean in order to clearly make out that very fine line between the two. Let's talk about codependency first.

Background on Codependency
"The concept of codependence was first developed in relation to alcohol and other substance abuse addictions. The alcoholic or drug abuser was the dependent, and the person involved with the dependent person in any intimate way (spouse, lover, child, sibling, etc.) was the codependent." However, this concept has broadened. "Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships."

What Does Codependency Mean?
1. "A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition [like an addiction or other kinds of negative behaviors]"
2. "Dependence on the needs of [another] or [the] control by another"
3. "A tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting ones needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others."
4. "Anyone showing an extreme degree of certain personality traits: denial, silent or even cheerful tolerance of unreasonable behavior from others [excessive compliance], a need to control others, finding identity through relationships with others, a lack of personal boundaries, and low self-esteem [insecure]."

If we sum up these definitions we see that "codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking."
Codependency is "a progressive disease, one which gets worse without treatment until the codependent becomes unable to function successfully in the world." Therefore, as codependency progresses it "can lead to depression, isolation, self-destructive behavior or even suicide."

Biblical Stories of Codependency
_Abraham and Sarah (Gen. 16:1-6)--Abraham displays codependent behavior in giving in to the need of Sarah rather than trusting and resting in God's promise. He was overly passive (didn't speak up) when Sarah blamed him for listening to her. And he gave in (excessive compliance) when Sarah wanted to falsely punish Hagar.
_Jacob, Leah, and Rachel (Gen. 29:16-30:24)--Jacob loved Rachel from the beginning, but not Leah. He loved Rachel so much he served double the amount (14yrs) just for her hand in marriage; which is the start of his codependent behavior. God, in turn, opened Leah's womb because Jacob loved Rachel and not her, and she gave birth to Jacob's first handful of children. This leads Rachel, who was barren, to give her maid-servant to Jacob to have her (Rachel's) kids, all out of jealously of Leah. Jacob does speak against it, but then he gives in to her. Leah, then jealous of Rachel, goes and does the same thing with her maid-servant. Jacob again gives in. Jacob, amidst his two jealous wives, displays he's codependent.
_David and Bathsheba (2Sam. ch.11, 12:24)--David wrongly sleeps with a married women (Bathsheba). He then goes on to attempt to cover up his sin. Eventually he gets Bathsheba's husband killed to cover it up. Immediately after her time of mourning--which in those days was anywhere from 7days to 30days--for her dead husband, David marries her and sleeps with her again. She gets pregnant. But God, who is displeased with David's sin, doesn't allow them to have the child. Bathsheba has a miscarriage. Immediately after her time of mourning--7 to 30days--(and time of cleansing, which is 7days) for her dead child, David sleeps with her to "comfort her". From all of this we see David displaying his lust problem and Bathsheba displaying her codependency.

Points to Ponder
Point#1: The "object" of the codependency uses manipulation and control to keep the codependent person codependent (the revolving door cycle--the codependent person allows the "object" to come and go and do as they please without effective consequences).
Point#2: Codependency enables the problem and/or condones the sin of the "object" the person is codependent upon.
Point#3: "Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree." Read David and Abigail (1Sam. 25:14-42) for an example of this point.

So, after all of the discussion on codependency, the question that looms is...how. How do we break codependency? The answer: By becoming "submissive" unto Jesus first and foremost for as long as we live--all day, everyday.

What is Submission?
Merriam-Webster defines submission as: "a willing act of [yielding or making oneself subject] to the authority or control of another".
The Bible's prescriptive definition of submission is: (Gr. hupotasso) "to place or rank under; to subject; put in subjection".

Points to Ponder
Point#1: Submission is identical to a bondservant (Rom. 1:1, Tit. 1:1, Jam. 1:1, 2Pet. 1:1)--someone who willingly puts oneself in servanthood to another.
Point#2: We must first be submissive unto Jesus (be a bondservant of Christ) before we can properly and healthily be submissive (a bondservant) to anyone else (Eph. 5:21-22, Col. 3:18, 1Pet. 3:1-2; 5:5--wives submissive to their husbands and we all are to be submissive one to another).
Point#3: Submission finds its source of contentment in the one it's submitted to (i.e. Jesus, not our spouse or others).

Conclusion
Biblical submission is not duped, easily mislead, willfully blind to the reality of the sin and problems in the relationship, or lacking in administering effective consequences like someone who is codependent. Biblical submission is grounded; it draws a definitive line in the sand. And why is biblical submission grounded? Because biblical submission finds its source of contentment in the One the submission is primarily unto...Jesus Christ. Hence if the consequences of the sin and problem(s) severs relationships, one's contentment is still intact because it was submitted to Christ and not the relationship.

A believer in Christ must submit to Christ as their first (or primary) spouse/relationship, and their earthly spouse/relationships secondarily. Thus, as long as our submission is unto Christ and not primarily unto another, regardless to the relationships coming and going and starting and ending it will not treat us like a puppet (being pulled to and fro) because we're submissive unto Jesus first. Our faithfulness and love unto our spouses/relationships are a by-product of our individual submission and surrendering unto Jesus (example--Abigail).

You cannot be biblically submissive unto Jesus and still codependent upon another person. It's either you are codependent or you are submissive.

What I've shared, I'm sharing from experience and education. I was codependent. I followed my idol (my wife) right into sin. After my fall and all throughout my restoration, I've become (and daily work on staying) submissive unto Jesus first and foremost. This I share to help liberate someone else that may be codependent, ignorant about codependency, ignorant about submission, or just needs to hear the truth about this struggle so to not fall into it. I hope this helped. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask. There is more to this topic, but this should be enough for this type of venue.

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References:
(Merriam-webster.com)
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency)
(http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_g2699/is_0000/ai_2699000060/)
(http://kjvs.scripturetext.com/)
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6/14/2010

The Big "S" Problem for Change

Hello all. This blog I'm posting is actually the transcript (minus the parts that I freestyled) of a message I was privileged to share at my church's Life Recovery (12 Step Discipleship) Ministry.
   Let me give a brief backdrop of why and what I was speaking on. My close brother in Christ, the lead teacher of this ministry, asked me to share on what he was teaching on the last couple of weeks including some of my own recovery and transformation in regards to the topic of discussion. He gave me some examples of what to talk on, and I simply used his questions as the platform for my dialogue.

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HOW HAS THE TOPIC OF DYING TO SELF IN JOHN 12 AFFECTED ME?
The topic of dying to self has affected me by helping me to realize numerous things regarding "self":
First, it has helped me to see that "self" (that is when I say "self" I mean selfishness, self-centeredness, selfish desires, selfish pursuits, selfish ambition, selfish tendencies, and so on) doesn't want to die.
Second, this topic has helped me to see that I am addicted to my"self".
Third, this topic has helped me to see that "self" is the biggest obstacle I face in trying to obtain wholeness––i.e. being whole in mind, body, and spirit (ref. 1Thess. 5:23).
Fourth, this topic has helped me to see that "self" deceives me into believing that… "I'm fine"; "I don't need help"; "I'm normal. You know, I'm like everyone else"; "I don't have a problem"; and so on. So basically it's deceiving me into believing I don't need to change.
Fifth, this topic has helped me to see that "self" lives to rebel against God; or in other words, its whole function is to rebel against God.
Sixth, this topic has helped me to see that "self" will never willingly surrender, it will never willingly admit defeat, it will never willingly confess its own deception, nor will it willingly admit its own faults.
Seventh, this topic has helped me to see that "self" will destroy us and whatever we treasure (ref. Numbers 16).
Eighth, this topic has helped me to see that unless we die to self we remain alone as we are––"self-will run riot".

In a nutshell, the topic of dying to self has helped me to see "self" for what it truly is, HORRIFYING. And then from that I said to myself, "Now that I know what "self" truly is, how do I actually die to it." This led me to do a Bible study on 9/10/08 of how to die to self, and I'll share with you what I discovered.
   The first thing I came to understand was that we die to self the same way we put to death any other addiction, we starve it to death. Jesus says in Matt 10:24-25, to deny––not give in, abandon, reject––every form of selfishness. Thus, starving the addiction of self to death. Paul says in Phil. 2:3-4, "Do nothing through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind esteem others better than ourselves." He further says not to only look out for our own interest, but also for the interest of others. Affirming again starving the addiction of self to death, this time by way of regarding others more higher than ourselves. What better way of denying self than by putting others in the place of "self".
   Paul says more in Rom. 12:1-2, 9-10, 16. Paul says we starve self by worship (vs. 1). Worship contrast selfishness. You cannot truly worship God from a selfish position. Paul says we starve self by being transformed by the renewing of our mind (vs. 2), which according to Paul in Eph. 4:23-24 is done by putting on the new man. Paul says we starve self by being sincere in our love for our brethren (vs. 9). Being sincere in our love is, according to Apostle John in 1Jn. 3:16, laying down our selfishness for the brethren. Paul affirms this in vs. 10, by reminding us that love is shown by honoring others more than ourselves. And lastly, Paul says in Rom. 13:14 that we starve self by being as close to Christ as the clothes we wear. The closer we get to Jesus the further we get away from self.
   So let's sum it up. How do we die to self? We die by first starving selfishness (i.e. by not feeding it more selfishness and such), second by feeding on worship, third by regarding and honoring others more than ourselves (i.e. putting others before us), fourth by being transformed by the renewing of our mind, and fifth by cultivating (i.e. developing, nurturing, growing) more of the presence of God in our lives.
   The next question then is what are the benefits of dying to self or starving the addiction of self? I mentioned Galatians 5:16-17. One benefit to dying to self is no longer fulfilling the lust of the flesh. And another benefit, according to the rest of that passage in Galatians, is bearing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, which ultimately glorifies Jesus, and that's a great benefit.
   This is what I learned from my Bible study on how to die to self and the benefits. I hope it helps in someway.

HOW IS "STEP 1" AND POWERLESSNESS AFFECTING ME? AND SHARE SOME EXPERIENCES GOD BROUGHT TO MIND…
The first step in the 12 Steps is a straight kick in the face to my"self". Admitting that I am powerless over "whatever it may be" and that my life has become unmanageable is a candid acknowledgement of defeat and truth of me being deceived by my own "self". Me understanding the fact that I am addicted to my"self" and are in need of recovery, or in others words I am "sick with self", I can't muster up my own healing, and are in need of the Great Physician Jesus (ref. Matt. 9:12), helps me to clearly see and believe that… "I am powerless"; "My life is unmanageable in ways I wouldn't have thought; "I do have a problem"; "I am normal, but I also need help"; and so on. Essentially, I've come to realize that recovery, or in this case Step 1 and my powerlessness, exposes my constant need of change and need of Jesus.
   There is a quote by Harold Wilson that actually spurred what I'm speaking on. He said, "He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." This goes right in line with what this book says, "The only alternatives we have, other than surrender [changing our current course of living], [is] to go totally insane or to die." Praise God for Him showing me that I was in need of change/recovery and moving me into it, because I was truly going insane without it.
   I am a current recovering rage-a-holic. I have a temper problem. My anger is actually one of my thorns; it constantly shows me my need for Jesus. You take Jesus out the way and I will again be enslaved to my fleshly passions and defects.
   One day God showed me I had a temper problem and it was too big for me to handle on my own. What makes it so bad is my temper is only exhibited on my wife and kids. Which sucks because they matter the most to me. They are the last people I want to expend my frustrations, irritations, and lose my temper on. So, I took advice from a friend of mine, who you guys happen to know, and I got some counseling. During my counseling I learned some things about myself but the main thing I learned, which I knew but was still deceived by it, the real reason behind my flares of rage and such is… can you guess… SELFISHNESS.
   Rage is the front for the true issue. My real problem is the big "S" issue, SELF. Now, my big "S" issue is not where I want it to be, but thank God it's not where it use to be. I still struggle! But my recovery from my real issue is coming in me walking forwardly one step at a time. Or, like Abraham Lincoln said, "I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." And that's been true in my life.

I'll close with this. Pastor Pat said last Sunday he believes the reason we don't utilize more of the power of the Holy Spirit is because we have a greater vision of our limitations than we have a greater vision of God's power. On the Ravi Zacharias radio broadcast, Ravi said, "When we don't go with God we are always restless for we're constantly moving in the opposite direction." From what has been shared, I hope we all see that "Self" is a formidable foe that seeks to deceive us about our addiction to selfishness, self-centeredness, selfish desires, selfish pursuits, selfish ambition, selfish tendencies, etc, etc, "Self" deceives us about our need for recovery, "Self" obstructs our obtaining wholeness, and ultimately, as we can see from our own lives, "Self" destroys us and what we treasure.
   On the other hand we see our recovery is nothing more than coming to the truth that we are moving in the opposite direction of God and need to change our current course of living (surrendering to God's way), and then having a greater vision of God's power than that of our addictions/dependencies/limitations so that we can fully experience the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives as He transforms us more into the likeness of Jesus each step of our recovery.

My challenge to us is that we all seek the most benefiting recovery from the deception and destruction of "Self" and then help others to do the same. Amen.


(Also, after this blog I'll post the ""Self" Awareness" mini-sheet I made as a handy reminder for everyone).

9/2008