What’s the Big Deal Between Men & Women?

This past Sunday (5/21/17), I taught part 5 of my church's relationship series. My topic was, what is now, the title of this blog. I'm not a fan of topicy-topics, and this topic is so broad and so polarizing that up until after both services I was not sure how it was going to be received. Surprisingly, it was received far better than I could've imagined. Awesome how the Holy Spirit works, right! Based on the feedback I received, and since I had manuscripted the whole message (minus the parts where I expounded on the Bible references, and so on), I decided to post it along with the link to the audio sermon. May this not only bless you but challenge you to better understand and obey God accordingly.

I. Introduction
As a student of Scripture and a student of history, I have observed, relating to the topic I’m teaching on today, that a noticeable and touchy complication in relationships is in how men and women regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences. And that is pretty much my objective this morning, to biblically address how men and women are to regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences. In order to do so, I’ll be tackling 4 things: (i)how men and women are similar, (ii)how men and women are different, (iii)how things get complicated, and (iv)how we are to be in regarding and treating one another’s similarities and differences.

Some things to NOTE:

• Topicy-topics are so broad they can pose the problem of the preaching coming across as too narrow. So if by the end, some of you think that I didn’t touch enough or address other specifics, forgive me in advance.
• Most of this won’t be surprising. But it will challenge what we say we believe to be true with how we actually live out what we say we believe to be true.
• A lot of what I’ll be touching on today is applicable for all relationships and interactions with others, not just between men and women. But my context for this message is between men and women. So keep that in mind.

II. How are men and women similar?
-According to Scripture, we are similar universally in...

1. being image-bearers of God (Gen. 1:26-27)
   
   Because God decided in His love, goodness, and grace to create us in His image and according to His likeness, He has placed a divine imprint of value on humankind (both man and woman). And by doing so, God has dignified man and woman above every other aspect of His Creation, including heavenly hosts. So, whether a person believes in Jesus or not, every human (man and woman) is worthy of dignity because their mere existence is God’s testimony of His divine imprint of value upon them. Yet, because of sin, there is a constant depreciation of viewing and treating each other with this value and dignity.
2. our humanness (Gen. 1:27)
   
   You know what this mean? This means whatever trait we can think of for a human, we, both man and woman, share it (minus some biological traits, clearly). And to be sure this is being truly understood, I’ll push in a little further.
   

   The traits that we normally attribute to men or women (e.g. men are physical, sexual, logical, etc; and women are nurturing, sensitive, emotional, etc), the Bible does not declare those things as reserved distinctly for one or the other only. Those differing traits may be true of many men and women, but not all, and they certainly don’t define a man as a “man” or a woman as a “woman”. But that’s exactly what we (society, culture, & the Church) do. For example, there are many women who possess traits normally attributed to men (e.g. toughness, works with their hands, analytical, driven, etc) in which we (society, culture, & the Church) chauvinistically call them “tomboy” or “boyish” or say things like “they wear the pants”, etc); and, there are many men who possess characteristics normally attributed to women (e.g. sentimental, affectionate, docile, etc) in which we (society, culture, & the Church) chauvinistically call them “effeminate” or “soft”, or say things like “he’s not a man’s-man”, etc. If God does not define a man as a “man” or a woman as a “woman” by the traits mankind normally attributes to men and women, then neither should we define each other as such. Because when we do so, we are compartmentalizing our humanness to suit and justify our control or minimization of the other sex (or the same gender).
   

   We, as the Church, through the Holy Spirit, must follow the wisdom of God in Scripture and describe individuals (each man and woman) by how God has uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully created that man or woman in His image. We have to stop defining men and women by the customary, societal, and cultural qualifiers that overtly and subliminally emphasize the superiority or inferiority of one sex over the other, or by swinging the pendulum to the other extreme and attempt to terminate the distinction between male and female altogether. None of these are right or pleasing to God.

We are co-equal as image-bearers of God and co-equal in our humanness. Until we trust God enough to see this and accept this and stop defining one another by mankind’s flawed opinion and not God’s Word, we will not be able to treat and value each man and woman with dignity and equality.

-According to Scripture, we are similar, exclusively for those who are born-again, in that...
3. we are equal in Christ (Gal. 3:25-29)
   
   What does this mean? This means God makes no distinction between man and woman in our spiritual status in Christ Jesus. We are equal brothers and sisters because we are both equally unconditionally loved by God as daughters and sons. We are both equally seated with Christ in the heavenlies. We are both equally citizens and ambassadors of the Kingdom. We are both equally ministers of the Gospel. We are both equally disciples of Jesus. Neither man nor woman is superior or inferior to the other in Christ. And we should never make the other feel as such.

These 3 are how men and women are similar: (i)in our value in God’s eyes as image-bearers, (ii)in our humanness, and specifically for Christians, (iii)in our spiritual status in Christ. We need to value and treat each other appropriately in these ways, and yes it will be tough, but we can do so through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

III. How are men and women different?
-According to Scripture, we are different universally…

1. in our individuality (Ps. 139:13-16)
   
   While your biology defines you as a man or woman (i.e. male = man; female = woman, cf. Gen. 1:27), it is your character (i.e. the sum of your traits, disposition, and convictions) as an individual man or woman that defines what kind of a man or woman you are. When you add how God fearfully and uniquely created you in His image + your sinful nature (which has distorted some of God’s image in you) + how you’ve been nurtured and influenced throughout your life (i.e. “the days that were formed for [you]”) = your individuality that defines what kind of a man or woman you are.
   

   And therein lies another reason why men and women are different, because this equation is filled in differently for each person. Hence, you will never find two of the same individuals. So, men and women, embrace and appreciate your God-shaped individualities without equating superiority or inferiority to the other, because your individuality is what makes you “you” and others “them”.
   

   Now, I’m not saying we have to like everybody. I’m also not saying we have to like everything about everybody. I’m saying because we’re co-equal in value to God, co-equal in our humanness, and (for believers) co-equal in our status in Christ, we have to value and respect the different individualities of other men and women.

-According to Scripture, we are different, exclusively for those who are born-again...

2. in our roles in marriage
   
   Scripture is clear from OT to NT, man has his particular instructions for his role/responsibility as “husband” and woman has her particular instructions for her role/responsibility as “wife”. The most emphatic and defining example of the difference in the roles in marriage is Jesus and the Church (Eph. 5:22-33). Jesus’ marriage with the Church is a model of how the roles in a marriage relationship are to be:

   –Jesus = groom/husband | Christian husband’s role = sacrificial love, servant leadership, and to exhaustively care for, protect, pursue, and value his wife like Jesus does so for His Bride/the Church
   –Church = bride/wife | Christian wife’s role = loving, respecting, pursuing, and following her husband’s lead like the Church does so unto Jesus

   Notice something, Jesus never steps into the Church’s role and the Church cannot step into Jesus’ role. There is a clear and necessary distinction in these roles. To change or ignore this undermines and rejects the nature of the relationship with Christ and His Church as well as the clear instructions to each spouse in Scripture. The consequences of changing or ignoring or disobeying these distinct roles in marriage leads to the same kind of fallout as Adam and Eve—Adam dropped the ball in his role and left his wife vulnerable and that led to sin, death, and destruction entering; Eve dropped the ball in her role and that too led to sin, death, and destruction entering; neither of them were innocent because both stepped outside of their roles.
   
   God gave us these different roles in marriage for two reasons, (i)for our complementary benefit and (ii)when carried out rightly (which we can do because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit) these roles, even through our imperfect marriage, still portrays the hidden beauty of Christ and the Church....and also of the Holy Trinity.

   –The two, husband and wife, become one flesh = plurality in oneness \ There is plurality in the oneness of God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
   –Husband and wife are equal as image-bearers, equal in their humanness, and equal in Christ, but are also distinct in their individuality and roles \ The Trinity is co-equal as God and distinct in personhood as God.
   –Thus, marriage as also a portrait of the hidden beauty of the Holy Trinity.

   All of this reinforces the severity of marriage, because marriage portrays to a watching world the hidden beauty of Christ’s relationship with His Church and the Holy Trinity. Christian singles should not rush into marriage and Christian spouses cannot afford to be lazy in marriage.

IV. How things get complicated...
For Christians, our normal response to how things get complicated between men and women is what...? Sin. And maybe some of us will include and say “our differences/incompatibilities”, right? Yet as men and women, we complicate relationships not solely because of the generality of sin or because we’re different, but also because sin, selfishness, and fear specifically corrupts how we view our similarities and the good from our differences. And that corruption turns us either chauvinistic toward the other or preferential towards what’s familiar.

So you know what happens then? You get us men who, in our thinking, attitudes, and behaviors, whether knowingly or unknowingly, undervalue or devalue women. So much so, that by the 1800s women began contending for liberation from the discrimination of male domination; and the Bible was the basis for this movement in the US. And from the broader positive perspective of that movement, they were right to use the Bible as we’ve already seen today from our shared similarities. Feminism exists because of the sin of men having consciously and persistently failed at treating women and loving our wives like Scripture commands.

• Men, women are not to be objectified sexually or by their appearance (this includes our wives too). They are image-bearers of God who are to be treated, valued, and loved as such. Be intentional about guarding against your lust and checking your desires for sex because of lust.
• Christian men, as husbands, marriage is not your totalitarian domain. You are to be servant-leaders who follow Jesus’ example in how He leads His Bride/the Church. How you lead your wife affects how she loves you, and that ripples down to how your kids will lead and love their future spouses.
• Men, don’t presume a woman’s role is to motherhood only or to be a stay-at-home wife/mom only. That can (not will, but can) limit the beauty and potential of their God-designed individuality.
• Men, no woman owes you a single thing. You, like they, are indebted to God alone and none other.

You know what else happens because of sin, selfishness, and fear specifically corrupting how we view our similarities and the good from our differences? You get women, yes, you ladies, who, in your thinking, attitudes, and behaviors, whether knowingly or unknowingly, either overvalue men or become manipulative or biased toward men.

• Christian wives, your husband is not an emperor or a savior, you are not a subservient subject or a co-dependent doormat. You are to be lovers of Jesus your Savior and seek to ultimately please Him in your marriage as He has instructed you.
• Christian wives, on the other hand, don’t misapply God’s design for marriage by removing or reinterpreting or reversing the distinct roles He’s clearly and repeatedly laid out in Scripture for both you and your husband—even if your husband isn’t living up to it (cf. 1Pet. 3). Be on your guard against the curse of Eve (cf. Gen. 3:16), because your fleshly desire will be, in some way, for your husband’s role.
• Women, you are not to “use what you got to get what you want”, that is sinful and distorts and devalues the beauty of God’s image in you.
• Women, men are not sugar-daddies or boy-toys or meal-tickets or emotional plug-ins. They too are image-bearers of God who are to be treated, valued, and loved as such.
• Women, don’t assume the worst of men to the point that you become guilty of the same sin committed against you—discrimination, unfairness, chauvinism.
• Women, despite the centuries of male chauvinism, no man owes you a single thing. You, like they, are indebted to God alone and none other.

Bottom line, things get complicated (and real messy) between men and women when we don’t view or treat each other as God defines in Scripture. We must recognize our necessity of each other. Man was incomplete without woman (cf. Gen. 2:20). This would then imply woman was incomplete without man (for she came from man). And since the beginning, they now both come from one another (cf. 1Cor. 11:11-12). Which means neither man nor woman is superior or inferior to the other. In actuality this affirms our necessity and complementation of each other. Otherwise, man and woman would still be incomplete.

V. Conclusion: How we are to be regarding and treating one another…
I started this morning by saying, a noticeable and touchy complication in relationships is in how men and women regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences and that we were going to have to address several things to discover how to biblically deal with this. Throughout my sermon, if you’ve noticed, I have pointed out several things we, as believers, “are to be doing” (and can do because of the Holy Spirit) concerning how we regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences.

1. We are to see and accept our co-equality in value to God, in our humanness, and in our status in Christ, so we can esteem and interact with each other appropriately in these ways.
2. We have to stop defining one another by mankind’s flawed opinion and not God’s Word, so we can treat and value each man and woman with dignity and equality.
3. We are to value and respect our God-shaped individualities as men and women without equating superiority or inferiority to the other, because your individuality is what makes you “you” and others “them”.
4. We are to rightly carry out our distinct roles as husband and wife modeled after Jesus’ marriage to the Church for our complementary benefit and to portray the hidden beauty of Christ and His Church (as well as the Holy Trinity).
5. We must recognize our necessity of each other because we are incomplete without the other.

My hope is that by now you’ve come to realize that the big deal between men and women is that our similarities and differences are good and necessary. Our similarities are good because there is no superiority or inferiority between men and women in our value and dignity—we are co-equal as image-bearers, co-equal in our humanness, and (for Christians) co-equal in Christ. Our differences as men and women are good because in them we can see how they cause us to complement one another and not dominate the other. And our similarities and differences are both necessary because things get complicated (and real messy) between men and women when we don’t view or treat each other as God has defined in Scripture, and thus sin, selfishness, and fear creep in and corrupt that which is good between us.

We must be anchored in the truth of knowing that our similarities and differences are an extension of God’s love, goodness, and grace. Therefore, when we regard and treat one another appropriately in these ways we then are being an extension of God’s love, goodness, and grace to each other; which also means the opposite is true, we are then withholding God’s love, goodness, and grace when we don’t regard and treat one another appropriately in these ways.

I’ll end with some reflections questions and a time of response.

• How are you with treating and valuing each other with dignity and equality?
• How are you with regarding and respecting each other’s individuality?
• How are you representing Christ in these ways toward each other?
• How are you at encouraging and urging other believers to represent Christ in these ways toward each other?

Know that however you respond today, and anything you may have been guilty of from this message, it does not diminish the love, forgiveness, or grace of God toward you in Christ Jesus. He allowed you to hear this today because He loves you, because He has forgiven you, and because He is gracious toward you. So respond to Him today confidently knowing these things.

For unbelievers, what you need to know is that the God that you are running from, rejecting, and rebelling against created you in love and has placed His divine imprint of value upon you. You are valuable to God, so much so that He doubled your value by sending His Son to die for you. I implore you to respond to Him in faith today for your salvation.

Our Communities need the Church to be the Pillar of Peace

Just as I did with Ferguson, I am doing so now. I waited. I watched. I thought. I prayed. Now I speak.

I am not attempting to address all the ills in our country or even the most recent ones, nor am I attempting to address why we have all these ills in our country. My hope is that as believers grounded with a biblical worldview we already understand that the reason for all the world's problems is sin and until Christ returns problems will persist. That said, I do want to address the Church's response (collectively and individually) to the wrongful events in our country involving discrimination and injustice in our communities.

Seeing Shalom in Our Communities
Last night at our church we studied Micah 5. One of the takeaways from our Micah 5 study was, "Jesus is peace/shalom (wholeness; nothing missing, nothing broken)." (v5a, cf. Isa. 9:6-7, John 14:27, Eph. 2:14)

“And he will be the source of peace.” (Micah 5:5a, NLT)

“For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies will make this happen!” (Isa. 9:6-7, NLT)

“I am leaving you with a gift—–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27, NLT)

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility…” (Eph. 2:14, NIV)

In a world that is rapidly becoming more divisive and hateful, Jesus is truly the only hope of peace in this world. We as ambassadors and children of God are to be the representation of His peace in this divisive, hateful, and hostile world, even if it costs us our lives/reputation/status in the process.

The Church is supposed to be the safe place for conversations concerning those who feel discriminated toward or have experienced injustice and the bridge toward reconciliation and peace in our communities when trust and unity has been destroyed or corroded between peoples. Sadly, we are not a safe place or a bridge (for the most part). But why is the Church supposed to be this? Because as you see in those verses above, Jesus is peace. There is no true peace apart from Jesus. The world cannot give each other true peace. But the Church can, because we are the Body of Christ filled with the Spirit of Christ!

The Church should not be getting sucked up into the media-driven (social media included) stew that profits nothing but more division, hate, and hostility. We're supposed to be the voice and sign of Jesus' peace/shalom in the midst of chaos. Why? Because we who profess Christ bear the name and the redeemed image of He who is Peace/Shalom and we know His peace/shalom is the only substantial answer.

Church, be His peace/shalom during these turbulent seasons. Christian, be His peace/shalom during these turbulent seasons. Release Jesus into the situation through being an extension of His peace/shalom.

Please, don't misunderstand His peace/shalom. Jesus' peace is not passive or weak or quiet. His peace/shalom is wholeness. Restoring wholeness in a broken situation involving broken people while still part of this broken world, that is His peace/shalom in action. Be that! Do that! Pursue that! Pray for that! And trust God with the rest.

How Can We Begin Restoring Wholeness in Our Communities, Church?
1. Truly care for your community and your surrounding communities (especially those in turmoil).

• Become the safe place for victims.
  -Mourn with them. Pray with them and for them. Hug them. Love on them. Speak less, listen more, and think before you speak. Be patient with them––not everyone bounces back as quickly as others.
  
• Become the neutral zone for the community.
  -Show the community you don't take sides, you're not trying to be God, or the law, or the government (civil, state, or federal). Therefore, ALL parties of the community (the minorities, the majority, the civil servants, the forgotten, the outcasted, the young, the old, etc) will feel like their voice will be heard. And always, ALWAYS exemplify grace. Grace softens hard hearts. Grace is the entryway to the Gospel.
  
• Have purposeful conversations with disunited members of the community.
  -Find out if there are members of the community who feel mistreated or discriminated toward. Hear them out. What are the problems? What are the concerns? With whom and why? What does reconciliation look like? Then gather all the parties and discuss ways to begin working toward reconciliation.
  
• Partner with other churches, para-church ministries/organizations, and community organizations in your community.
  -There is strength in numbers and unity. When the churches begin working together with each other and other local ministries/organizations, the community begins working together. When a community begins working together, then progress and improvement is underway.

2. Demonstrate the Gospel
Many churches do a great job of preaching the gospel. But very few churches do a great job of demonstrating the Gospel.

• Serve your community.
  -Just as Christ came and served us according to our need (Matt. 20:28), we follow His example and serve others according to their needs. Find ways to be in your community, serving them and serving alongside them. Don't assume you know what they need (other than salvation). Ask first, then serve.
  
• Accept all within your community.
  -Is your church truly welcoming to all of those in your community? Would any minorities or other ethnicities in your community feel welcomed in your church? Would any homosexuals in your community feel welcomed in your church? Whoever is in your community should feel just as welcomed in your church as God welcomed you into His family when you were His enemy (Rom. 5:6-8). And this goes beyond words. This is shown by your actions and attitudes toward them.
  
• Be the example of unity and love to your community.
  -Show the community what true unity and love looks like by how you unite with and love one another in your church, other churches, and the community.
  
• Pray for the events and churches in other communities.
  -Don't be indifferent toward the troubles in other communities. Pray for them. This further demonstrates unity and love to your community.
  
• Extend a hand across the aisle and support other churches as they are demonstrating the gospel in their communities.
  -We are the Body of Christ. Our unity is a testimony of Jesus to the watching world (John 17:21). So whenever there is an opportunity to stand with each other in righteousness or in gospel demonstration, do so! This further demonstrates unity and love to your community.
  

3. Don't try to be the Savior, but point them to Him.
Here is the balance to #1 & #2. The Gospel is not for the salvation of communities. The Gospel is for the salvation of people (Rom. 1:16). The Church's aim in being the pillar of peace in our communities is not for the salvation of the community but for the salvation of the people of our communities. Once the people come to Christ in saving faith, communities will change. It is the Church's job to proclaim and demonstrate Jesus. It is the Church's job to be the representation of Jesus' peace/shalom in our communities. It is Jesus' job to do the saving and restoration, not the Church's. So, let us simply do our part and then we wait, watch, and trust Jesus with His part.

Final Word
I am fully aware that what I have discussed may not be applicable outside the US. I am also aware that there may come a point in the future where it will not be applicable in the US. But as of now it is. Thus, Church in the US, for the sake of the Gospel and those whom Christ died for, be the pillar of peace in our communities. They need you. We need you. I need you.

__________
*Earlier this year I taught a sermon entitled "Jesus on Justice & Injustice toward Others". It's a message on Jesus' view of kingdom justice toward others. We would do well if we walked this out as churches/Christians.

July 7, 2016

Does God Approve of “Shacking Up”?

I have had many conversations with many professing believers who have argued to me that God does not disapprove of “shacking up” (i.e. a couple living together like they are married without actually being married). Their arguments have ranged from, “we're engaged so what's the big deal”, to “we're getting a feel of what it would be like to determine if we're ready for marriage”, to “the Bible doesn't say we can't live together”, and so on. Many professing believers do not see a problem or any carnality or compromise with “shacking up” (living together) with whom they're dating. Many professing believers may not even know how the Bible addresses this or if it even does or care if it does.

Let me say it first, the Bible does address this topic but not directly like a “Q&A”. You can find the Bible's view on this in it's pronouncement on marriage.

“18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”....21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.””
(Genesis 2:18, 21-25, NIV)

To physically move in and live together with your boyfriend or girlfriend is outside of God's design, and that is what makes it an error. God designed here in Genesis 2 that a man will leave his parents and be joined to “his wife” as “one flesh”. Living with your boyfriend or girlfriend purports becoming “one flesh”. How so? Because both people have left their separateness to live and be together as a couple (as “one”). A couple living together is a component reserved only for God's design in marriage. It is not meant to be done outside of this specific God-ordained relationship; for to do so is superseding God's design with one's personal view and preferences.

I have no need to address the potential and promising problems with couples living together before marriage to build an apologetic against it, because the greatest argument against it is that God ordains from the very beginning of humanity's existence that leaving, cleaving, and living together as “one” is for marriage only. To do otherwise, whether knowingly or unknowingly, is a clear defiance of God's design. One's ignorance or ignoring does not dismiss their violation of God's design. It will always be a violation––i.e. sin (falling short of God's standard).

So, to all the professing Christians that may read this, you have no biblical “omitted” basis for your defiance of God's design for living together as a couple; neither can you use the “cultural context” excuse to explain away the truth principles in this passage because there was no culture defined. This was humanity's inception. Thus, this principle is tied to all generations of mankind in every culture. There is no escape. The only reason you have to stand on is the real one, selfishness and pride––you want to do what you want to do and you don't want to be told that you can't. After this biblical response, to attempt to argue that it's not a violation to shack up (i.e. God does approve) further shows your selfishness and pride in your effort to justify your sin.

If you are a professing Christian shacking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, God does not approve and you are in fact sinning against your Savior and Master. As always, there is grace––of which you've probably been receiving from God in the midst of you sinning against Him and have likely mistaken it for His approval. God will forgive, if you repent (1Jn. 1:9).

My final word to you, thank God for His grace and forgiveness, choose to obey Jesus and either get married, move out, or suffer the consequences of violating God's design (and whatever may come from that).

5/13/2015

Hey Christian, YOU ARE Ray Rice...

By now I shouldn't be surprised when I check my social media or turn on the TV and someone new is in the news for some screw up they've done that many of my fellow “Christians“ are going to share their compassionless thoughts and opinions. And the fact that I shouldn't be surprised bothers me greatly, because we as believers should expect better from us as believers in this area. This blog article is not about the Ray Rice incident. This is about a heart issue that we must address.

How would YOU like it if YOUR sin/mistakes were broadcasted for almost everyone to see? Would you not seek and ask for grace, mercy, forgiveness? Does not God grant this to even murderers who repent (see Moses & David)? Self-righteousness is one of the most glaring deformities of Christians. You’re not perfect. Your life smells like boo-boo at times. Your actions, conversations, and thoughts are at times foul. But because the world doesn’t see it you think you can front like your life is always pristine. We have to stop being scared and fronting like we got it all together and learn to wear our brokenness as a badge of honor unto God’s grace (2Cor. 12:7-10)!

Guess what Christian? YOU ARE Ray Rice...and Darren Wilson, and Chris Brown, and any other person we’re ready to lynch via the media/social-media because of their sins/mistakes. YOU at times sin with a smile and hope no one caught you on camera. But God sees all and it’s by His grace and mercy that He doesn’t blast YOUR sin/mistakes for everyone to see. So be gracious and merciful to others in return, whether they deserve it or not, because let’s not forget we received God’s grace and mercy and we don’t deserve it. Remember, YOUR “righteousness” is filthy rags apart from Jesus; YOUR “goodness” is nothing and means nothing apart from Jesus. Thus, you have no righteousness or goodness in yourself to boast in anyway. We are to boast of and in Jesus’ righteousness and goodness manifested in our broken lives. Self-righteousness is but pride and idolatry of self camouflaged as selfies of our good actions and good character; it’s a glaring deformity that we choose to not see because we’re too focused on looking at and highlighting only or primarily the “nice parts” of ourselves.

This is why I try to boast of my weaknesses and brokenness more so or as much as my good, because any good you see or think you see in my life or from my life is all from God and for His glory. I am completely aware that if Jesus is not in my equation, if He is not my center, if He is not who I am daily surrendered to, I am a vile dude, point blank period. And guess what, so are you. So before you vent or share your opinions about other people’s sins/mistakes on social media or in your offline circles, think of YOUR sins/mistakes being put on blast by God for all to see…and remind yourself that He doesn’t. Then be merciful like your Heavenly Father is merciful (Lk. 6:36) and don’t comment like the Pharisee, comment like the tax collector (Lk. 18:9-14).

We who have received such great compassion should be the first to extend such great compassion to others (e.g. Matt. 18:21-33). Let’s pray for those (and their families) whose mistakes are put on blast by the media and lynched via social media. May they come to the loving embrace of Christ and be transformed by His grace and Spirit!

Jesus said, ““Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” Then He added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”” (Matt. 9:12-13, NLT, emphasis added)

9/2014

Ferguson: A Reflection, A Response, & A Charge to the Church

When the Newtown, CT tragedy took place I shared my reflections and response. I too felt the need to do the same on the Ferguson, MO situation that’s been swarming the news and web for several weeks now. I have sat, observed, and been thinking deeply about this situation. At times during the past few weeks, I’ve experienced a myriad of emotions. I’ve taken them to the Lord. My wife and I have spent hours discussing this. We’ve spoken to our oldest son about it. Quite frankly, that’s what has taken me so long to write something on this incident, the processing of it. There are a number of reoccurring concerning problems I’ve observed throughout this ordeal. I wanted to gather my thoughts appropriately and specifically. I will not touch on every problem I’ve observed, just a few. Here is my reflection, response, and charge to the Church. This is rather long (just a little) and may be tough to hear, but I encourage you to read it all.

What’s the Media feeding ya?
I must address the media first. Why? Because media can be both a help and a hindrance. And in this case, it has been both. If you did not know, all media is selective. Yes, even your favorite media outlet is selective. Each media outlet has their own business mentality (they have to stay on the air), political views, personal worldviews, and differing opinions on news and what they consider news related or coverage worthy issues. Therefore, the news we receive will always be prejudiced because of these factors. For example, it appears as if the news (both national and local) overwhelming reports just the negative (murders, robberies, violence, political clashes, racial injustices, mistakes in the name of religion/faith, terrorism, etc), and sometimes only particular negative stories are worded and reported in a way to fuel and propagate a specific ulterior view/agenda. Rarely do we see the majority reports of good or inspiring things. There are many more positive and inspirational things happening in our nation (and in this Ferguson situation) than what is being portrayed in the news. But because all media is selective, this is what they choose to give us. The same is true in this Ferguson situation. Each media outlet is choosing to give us what they want us to see and hear and know from their perspective.

With that being said, what should we do? First, we have to be careful to not adopt the slant of our favorite media outlets. I’ve seen many people (especially with this Ferguson incident) get sucked up into their favorite news media’s slant to the point that they will proclaim and defend it like the news came from God Himself. Remember, it’s selective and from their perspective. It’s not absolute objective truth. Secondly, we have to remain objective and not base our judgment/conclusion of matters solely on our favorite media outlets (or the media in general). We have to use wisdom and extend grace in situations like these.

Best to Worst
Ferguson has shown the best of us (people of all walks of life peacefully rallying together for support and justice) and the worst of us (people being insensitive to a life lost, a family’s pain, a family’s fear, a city in turmoil, real racial struggles and injustices in our nation, etc). I have seen empathy and compassion. I have seen a stand of solidarity in support of both sides (Mike Brown and Darren Wilson, the people and the police). I have seen and heard how community leaders and churches have stepped in to be voices of reason and peace. Unfortunately, I have also seen stupidity, selfishness, and hatred from people (blacks and other non-black people). Sadly, for the blacks that thought looting and rioting was acceptable, they’ve fed the stereotype of black people in America, and they exhibited why (what some would call) unnecessary reactions from the police may be to some degree understandable, because black people are unreasonable, violent, ghetto, and do stupid things like this. This is definitely not true of all black people, but it’s easier to group all in this category from the idiocy of some. I have also seen avoidance, indifference, coldness, and ignorance of racial injustice towards black people, primarily from other non-black races (and even from my non-black Christian friends), and from within the black race as well.

But then that raises other questions. What about the non-black racial injustices? Do people of all walks of life peacefully rally together for support and justice in those situations? Do black people display the same empathy and compassion they want when it’s not their race being killed (or being killed by other blacks)? What about within the church? Will non-black pastors speak up for black injustices? Will black pastors speak up for non-black injustices? Will we as the Church stand together and support one another through these racial injustices when it’s not our race? You know what I’ve figured out. It’s easy and clean to not put forth effort in this way. It’s easy and clean to remain prejudiced and willfully ignorant. It’s easy and clean to condemn a whole race or the majority based on a few bad seeds. It requires hard work and getting your hands dirty to die to oneself, reach across the racial isle, and love another whom you’ve never taken time to understand but simply label according to your view and the media’s selective perspective.

Ferguson is no longer about Darren Wilson versus Mike Brown, or the police versus the people, or black versus white. It’s not about one race’s injustice. It goes deeper than that. Ferguson has brought to the surface racial injustice across all races and within the heart of the Church. That’s why there’s such a divide over this. And rather than us humbling ourselves to be empathic towards anyone who suffers racial injustices, we’re selective (like our media) and we choose avoidance, indifference, coldness, and ignorance to those we deem unworthy of our empathy and compassion.

A young teen is dead (that could be your son or brother). A police officer may be going to jail for the rest of his life (that could be your son or brother or husband). Both families are suffering. We should be empathic and show compassion for the grieving whether we agree with them or not. We should be empathic and show compassion period, but even more where losses are prevalent and especially as Christians. As I wrote about loss in my article for the Newtown tragedy,

“Loss is the greatest knock-the-wind-out-of-your-chest blow. Loss has a way of K-O’ing us. Why? Because when God created us, He hardwired us for relationships and purpose (Gen. 1:26-27; 2:15, 18). Therefore, losing something we dearly love and dearly value never to have it again is the hardest thing for human beings to cope with. It’s the reason why depression and anxiety are so common and deadly. We have a hard time dealing with loss or the thought of loss.”

Ferguson just helped put our selfish and compassionless hearts on an international stage. And some of you are proudly declaring your selfish and compassionless hearts online with no consideration, just cold and indifferent. Some of you are smart enough to not declare your selfish and compassionless hearts online, you keep it offline so no one can see how you truly feel and think. Either way, God sees it and your actions speak louder than your words and feelings, so eventually others will see it too.

Reality for a Black Person
To any non-black person who is reading this, please allow me a moment to explain a reality for black folk in America since I am a black man. There are some police that racially profile and unjustly arrest and/or kill some black people, just because we fit a general description: we’re black. I’ve experienced this after being saved and a law-abiding citizen. I’ve been handcuffed, frisked, and told to kneel because I met the description of a suspect in the neighborhood. I should note, I’m a light-skinned black (multi-racial) person and I wasn’t in an “urban neighborhood”, I was in a multi-racial suburb. So when I asked the police what was the description, I was told “a young black male in a coat”. That could be anyone! This is what black people have to deal with in America at the hands of some police regardless to geographical location.

Most may not be aware, but there is agitation between some cops/police stations and some black neighborhoods/blacks in the neighborhood. We shouldn’t ignore this, but nor should we as black people filter every police injustice where blacks are concerned through this agitation grid. It’s hard though for those who don’t trust police or the system because they’ve been burned by it to wait to come to a conclusion after an investigation they believe may be slanted against them from the beginning. It doesn’t make it right, but it should be mentioned and at least understood and taken into consideration. Thus, when this reality does get national coverage, those who suffer from it or are close to those who suffer from it take that opportunity to express it. Not everyone does it the right way, but that shouldn’t discredit the reality, and yet so many do.

So I ask, how often do you as a non-black person have to experience racial profiling and unjust racial targeting? Have you ever experienced this? How do you think you’d feel if you did? If you’ve never been on this end of this reality, it will be hard for you to imagine it. Just like it’s hard for Americans to imagine having their heads cut off from some terrorists overseas. Do some people warrant this kind of police response? I say yes! You cannot act a certain way and not expect to be responded to in a certain way. However, for all black people in general to be subject to that likelihood simply because we’re black is unjust and unwarranted. Again, Ferguson goes beyond Mike Brown and Darren Wilson. Regardless to the innocence or guilt of black people, this happens and does not always get coverage, or when it does some non-black people play it down and think it’s justifiable. I’ve witnessed this firsthand from some of my non-black Christian friends (especially on social media recently). As friends of mine, their obliviousness to their insensitivity and ignorance saddens me deeply.

The Good Samaritan
So who is your neighbor Christian? Only those from your race or your socio-economic class, only those who you think rate it or those whose injustices you deem worthy? Jesus has an answer for you.

“The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied with a story: “A [certain man] was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A [Levite] walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. “Then a Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’ “Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked. The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.” Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.” (Luke 10:29-37, NLT, [emphasis added])

Notice the “priest” (who would be equivalent to a leader/pastor) and the “Levite” (who would be equivalent to Christians—those who’s inheritance is the Lord), those two were God’s people, had His holy law, and lived for His glory, and yet they were the ones who lacked compassion and ignored the injustice of the man attacked and abandoned. But notice the “Samaritan”, the outcasted one, the one not worthy to worship God on His holy mountain, he showed compassion and comfort and support and grace and love! He displayed God’s heart more than the “people of God” who knew the right thing to do. And then Jesus says “go and do the same”. Your neighbor, in this context, are those who suffer these injustices right here in your own country, probably in your own state, possibly in your own city. So which one are you Christian: the priest, the Levite, or the Samaritan?

The Church, the Gospel, & Race
No person should be unjustly judged and/or unfairly treated based on the color of their skin and biological characteristics. Race is not a sin. Race is a distinctive part of God’s way in which He creates us in His image. To be a racist is to hate the image of God in others. To unjustly judge and/or unfairly treat others based on race is to disgrace the image of God in others. To sit idly by compassionless toward racial injustices is to belittle the image of God in others. And to be a Christian and do any of this is utterly disrespectful and defaming to the Creator and Father you call your God.

How can we as Christians (of all races/ethnicities) be silent, indifferent, or cold toward any injustice when we, better than anyone else, should thoroughly understand injustice! Jesus Christ, the Incarnate, suffered the greatest injustice to satisfy His own justice towards our sins. For you and I, whom are born-again, to receive God’s grace is the greatest injustice ever! We don’t deserve it. It’s not fair for us to experience it. Justice for us is eternal separation from God because of our sin. That’s our justice! That’s what we deserve! And in this we celebrate our injustice that led us to salvation. So how dare we who have received and experienced such grace, such loving injustice as this—being declared innocent of all our sin and it’s eternal penalty, were once enemies alienated from God now completely forgiven and reconciled in a loving relationship with God—be silent, indifferent, and cold towards the racial injustices of others (especially other believers)?, and be racially wedged apart from other members of the Body of Christ? Where is the desire to break down walls of racial division and seek for racial reconciliation? Where’s the giving of grace to others that was freely given to us? Do you weep and mourn and seek to comfort our fellow brethren who have or are suffering racial injustices?

It is the gospel that breaks down these racially divisive walls.

“You are all God’s children through faith in Christ Jesus. All of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek; there is neither slave nor free; nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Gal. 3:26-28, CEB, emphasis added)

It is the gospel that reminds us that every single human is by nature a bastard race of enemies of God, children of wrath, but…

“God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved” (Eph. 2:4-5, ESV, emphasis added).

This is every Christian’s humble beginnings: bastards of sin, a race of enemies of God, children of wrath. Your spiritual race wasn’t determined by your skin color and biological characteristics; it was determined by sin and poised you against God from birth. But God, in His grace, goes beyond our race and rescues us and brings us into Himself in Christ. We need this reminder daily if we’re ever going to move beyond racial division in the Church and be compassionate towards racial injustices. You don’t have the luxury within the Body of Christ to look down upon, turn your nose up at, or think less of other races or their injustices because we who are born-again are all of the same race: “in Christ”. We’re all one flesh in Christ!

“There is one body and one Spirit. There is one hope in which you were called. There is one Lord and one faith and one baptism. There is one God. He is the Father of us all. He is over us all. He is the One working through us all. He is the One living in us all.” (Eph. 4:4-6, NLT, emphasis added)

We hurt the Body of Christ when we’re silent, indifferent, and cold towards the racial injustices of our brethren. We hurt our witness as God’s Church when we’re silent, indifferent, and cold towards the racial injustices of others in general. Think about it, what witness are we Christians demonstrating to those in the world with how we handle race issues and racial injustices in general, and then racial division between our own churches/denominations? How are we conducting ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel in our poor to inept handling of race issues and racial injustices in general, and then racial division in our own churches? It is the gospel that calls and compels us to forgive others if they’ve hurt us and to not hold it against their whole race. It is the gospel that calls and compels us to show mercy and be compassionate to everyone, regardless of race. It is the gospel that calls and compels us to be the good priest, the good Levite, and the good Samaritan!

Conclusion
I am aware this may not be the case for everyone who will read this. You may be beyond some of the things I’ve mentioned here. You may have already been working on these areas or never really had a problem/issue with race. That is the case for my family. We’ve have many years to work out our issues with racial injustices and prejudices. Our children have been purposely raised from birth in a multi-racial, multi-cultural manner—i.e. see, respect, care for, and befriend people not color.

I am aware there are multi-ethnic and multi-cultural churches teaching and demonstrating racial reconciliation and proudly living out together our new race in Christ. As other Christian writers have mentioned in their articles, we need more churches like these! In the same manner I do my part of racial reconciliation and non-racial division—i.e. see, respect, care for, and befriend people not color—through how I treat others and raise my kids and how they’ll raise their kids and treat others, and so on. The church is a household, fathered by God and led by His undershepherds, longing to be raised up to see, respect, care for, and befriend people not color, to make disciples of all peoples/all colors/all ethnicities so to be one people—God’s people. Jesus was crystal clear about this. The world will know that He is the sent Savior from heaven through our oneness as His Church/Body (Jn. 17:20-23). Racial division and racial isolation completely undermines the heart of God and the witness of Christ. We need more multi-ethnic and multi-cultural churches, especially in America.

I am too aware, that some who read this may be upset. Please know that it was not my intent to upset anyone. I wrote this as an appeal from my heart to yours. I hope you can still take something beneficial from this article with you.

If in anyway you have been convicted by what you’ve read or you know you’re guilty of something you’ve read, there is forgiveness because our God is a gracious God. Ask for forgiveness, repent, and move forward one day at a time, remaining in prayer for a new desire in this area, constantly looking to Jesus and His work and yielding to the Holy Spirit to break through those racially divisive and/or racially insensitive walls in your life and around you.

If you’ve been challenged in anyway by what you’ve read, I implore you not to resist it. Surrender it to God and ask Him to continue to work in your heart to reflect more of His heart through you, and to give you the strength needed to walk out the conduct worthy of the gospel in your life.

It’s always tough speaking out on these tender topics and the wonder of how will it be received always looms in one’s mind. I hope that my two cents may help add to the pot of solutions, encourage reconciliation, challenge poor judgment and ignorant thinking, spur hearts to Christ, and remind believers of the call of the gospel. If you were blessed by this in anyway, then praise God! May He be glorified in any and every way through this Ferguson situation and my simple article.

I’ll end with a question I hope you sincerely and seriously consider: How is your view and attitude toward racial injustice and racial reconciliation going to reflect the gospel and represent Christ going forward?

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters...
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
(1Jn. 3:16, 18, NIV, emphasis added)

8/26/14

Controversy: Freedom, Tolerance, & the Church

I'm not a person big on getting involved in political issues or controversial issues. But in light of the recent news with the Supreme Court and gay marriage, I do have a few reflections.

We have the freedom to disagree with another. Yet, my freedom to disagree with another (even when I do it respectfully) is now being labeled as "intolerant" and "bigoted" by those who disagree with me. Isn't that contradictory? Wouldn't that then mean by their own logic that those who then disagree with me for disagreeing with them are also being "intolerant" and "bigoted"? But I'm not sure if the majority of people see this fallacy in their logic. Why can't we simply just disagree with each other, and agree to disagree? Why does there have to be negative and divisive labeling? (That was meant to be rhetorical. I'm fully aware sin is at the root of it all).

You know what makes this worse, we in the Church do this to one another (and have been for centuries). Think about this: WHAT IF those outside the Church are simply following the example we in the Church have set---name calling, mocking, sometimes voilent, selfish agendas, labeling one another when we disagree with each other, etc. (And we do this beyond the essentials, so don't attempt to use that defense). WHAT IF the hatred we receive from those outside the Church is not solely rooted in our stance for God's Truth in His Word, but also in our example of operating in "bigotry" and being "intolerant" to one another in the Church (in the name of defending "truth"). I'm not agreeing with it, I'm simply stating a reality: Our hands are not clean in creating the current negative perception of the Church or about Christians. (Again, I am speaking apart from us being condemned/hated for our stance for the Truth in God's Word like Jesus stated we would).

Yes, we can continue to respectfully disagree with others, present our cases on why, argue for what we think is best, and so on because we have the freedom to do so. But if we aren't going to take that same intense approach we have towards "righting" those things going on outside the Church to work on our own home issues in the Church, then we have to admit and accept responsibility for our own hypocrisy and Phariseeism of focusing only on the outside of the cup while neglecting to clean the inside first (cf. Matt. 23:25-28). Again, I'm not saying we can't or we shouldn't speak up or speak out or stand up, I'm just doing my part of holding us accountable to not forget to practice in the Church what we preach to those outside the Church.

"For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?" -1Pet. 4:17

4/1/13

The Newtown Tragedy: A Reflection & A Response

I woke up on Friday morning, December 14^th, to the sounds of my wife gasping as she found out that an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut had been shot up. For the next several hours we sat, mouths open, watching the news.

We cried.

We were angry.

We vented.

We thought of that being our children.

We thought of the parents.

We saw for the first time in our lifetime a President cry on national TV.

We prayed.

We told our children, and then hugged them tight.

The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting is not the first school shooting, nor will it be the last. It is not the first national tragedy, nor will it be the last. There are mass murders of children, young folk, and innocent bystanders everyday in US low-income neighborhoods and in others countries. The only difference is they don’t get as much publicity as this recent tragedy. But that is not a reason to minimalize the Newtown tragedy. Twenty young lives were lost. Eight adult lives were lost (school staff, the gunman, and his mother). This is ample enough reason to be upset and saddened.

The victims and their families

It’s hard to think of dead children. Well, at least it is for me. I have three children. My two youngest are 7 and 5. That’s around the same ages of the kids who died at Sandy Hook Elementary. Thinking of never seeing my kids again makes my heart hurt. I can feel the pain deep in my chest. My children are my offspring. They are mini-mes. So I can only imagine what those parents must be going through. Or to lose my wife, who went to work only never to return. My state of shock and sense of loss would be paralyzing. Next to Jesus, my wife is my life. She is my rib. So I can only imagine what the spouses must be enduring. The pain.

Loss is the greatest knock-the-wind-out-of-your-chest blow. Loss has a way of K-O’ing us. Why? Because when God created us, He hardwired us for relationships and purpose (Gen. 1:26-27; 2:15, 18). Therefore, losing something we dearly love and dearly value never to have it again is the hardest thing for human beings to cope with. It’s the reason why depression and anxiety are so common and deadly. We have a hard time dealing with loss or the thought of loss. All of us then can empathize with these families, and we should. So weep with them and grieve with them. But let not their loss be in vain. Cherish the treasures that matter most: faith, family, and friends. And let not the heroism of the teachers and staff to put others before themselves be in vain. Fight selflessly for what matters most. Let us keep that in mind.

Reflection of a villain

I was humbled. This tragedy is a reminder for us…a reminder for me. As much as we may not want to admit it, this tragedy is nothing more than another confirmation of how mankind’s depravity has no limits. John Piper wrote about this as well,

“…the murders of Newtown are a warning to me — and you. Not a warning to see our schools as defenseless, but to see our souls as depraved. To see our need for a Savior. To humble ourselves in repentance for the God-diminishing bitterness of our hearts. To turn to Christ in desperate need, and to treasure his forgiveness, his transforming, and his friendship.”

If any of us believe that we are somehow different than Adam Lanza (the shooter), we have lost sight of our own depravity. If we remove Jesus from our life, we are no different. All we have to do is read passages like Ephesians 2:1-3, Titus 3:3, Colossians 3:5-9, and Galatians 5:19-21.

I can say personally I was Adam Lanza before Jesus rescued me. I murdered innocent lives with abortion, rape, drug dealing, and street violence…oh and I can’t forget the lives I’ve took with my selfishness, arrogance, deception, rage, and manipulation. I took innocence. I corrupted young minds. I terrorized families. I abused women and children. Adam Lanza is nothing more than a mirror of my old self. And that shook me, because my egregious sins have never been publicized like his. The lives I destroyed have never been nationally prayed for or comforted or mourned. I caused Newtown like tragedies for 16 years, and that’s just before Jesus. That’s not counting tragedies I’ve caused bearing the name of Christ. This is why I was humbled.

What about you? How many tragedies are accredited to your sin and selfishness? Have you forgotten your reflection as a villain before Christ and at times since being in Christ?

What can we do?

The Apostle Peter told us that “the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers” (1Pet. 4:7, NKJV). We have to pray saints! Pray for those affected by the Sandy Hook school shooting. They need it. But also pray for everyone affected by sin and its effects. The voiceless. The unattended. The disadvantaged. And so on. My wife has a saying, “There is no such thing as a victimless sin.” How true! Sin rampages all of us in some way or another. And as we continue to get closer to “the end of all things”, sin will rampage all the more. Therefore, be serious and watchful in your prayers. Beseech the God of all Creation and watch Him work.

Peter doesn’t end his point with a call to only be intentional in prayer. He ends it with a call to be intentional in love. 

“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins.’” (1Pet. 4:8, NKJV)

Our greatest witness to a depraved and dying world is exhibiting God’s fervent, life-giving, sacrificial, undeserving love (Luke 6:27-36). We are to love the victims and the perpetrators. We are to love the abused and the abusers. We are to love sinners and saints. Why? Because we all were once victims, perps, abused, abusers, and sinners guilty before God, and it was His fervent, life-giving, sacrificial, undeserving love that drew us to Himself. Thus, it will be His love through us that will draw another to Himself. It will be His love through us that will help heal and mend the hurt and the broken. It will be His love through us that will help soften the hard-hearted, help settle the angry, help accept and embrace the misunderstood, help possibly rescue another Adam Lanza, or Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (shooters of Columbine), or Seung-Hui Cho (the Virginia Tech shooter). His love rescued me, and I was a killer before these killers.

We’ve all been tossed around, world flipped upside down from the rampages of sin and selfishness---whether that be of our own doing or someone else’s. And those of us who are born-again, who’ve been rescued from sin’s penalty and freed from sin’s enslavement, we therefore have also experienced the comfort of God. Hence, the reason why Paul writes in 2Corinthians 1:3-4 (NLT),

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

As Christians, we’ve been on both sides of tragedies, the pain and the comfort! So we can come alongside those who are victimized and visited with tragedies and flood them with the same comfort we received from God. We can shower them with the fruit of the Spirit---which should sum up our loving manner of interaction, demeanor, and posture when around them. We can, at the right time and in a gentle and gracious manner, share with them the all-satisfying and eternal joy of the Good News of Jesus Christ!

Finally, even though we are not wrong to desire justice to be served when an injustice is present, we cannot forget to remember that our sin and injustices require justice as well. So as God forgave us of ours, so are we to forgive others of theirs. It’s not easy, but it is beneficial to all involved and a reflection of our Savior (and not the old villain in us). We have to forgive Adam Lanza, and any other Adam Lanza’s in our life too.

I hope my reflection and response will be of some help in some way during this time.

“The Lord is a safe place for the oppressed—a safe place in difficult times. Those who know your name trust you because you have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord.” (Ps. 9:9-10, CEB) 

“¹⁸ …God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. ¹⁹ For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.²⁰ So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”” (2Cor. 5:18-20, NLT) 

12/19/12

The Help of the Word when Facing Life Issues

“What are one or two scripture verses that have helped you face issues in your own life?”
There are far too many scripture verses that have helped me face life issues. Plus, it depends on the issue I'm facing. Romans 8:26-39 is probably my most universal passage for facing most of my life issues. It covers how the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. During the moments when I cannot pray or don't what exactly to say, to know that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me according to the will of the Father is comforting. It covers our hopeful outcome. To know that regardless to what happens in my life, my God has already worked it out so that it benefits my good in someway is encouraging. It covers how God has predestined us to be conformed to the image of Christ. How awesome is it to know that God will continue to conform us from regeneration through sanctification unto glorification! And then Paul ends this chapter with a nine verse run on God's love for us. Knowing that nothing shall separate me from God's love is the greatest remedy to any hurt, or loss, or trial, or depression, or disappointment, and so on I may be experiencing.

As for how God has used the Word to bring me through times that may have been unbearable without it, He did that the morning my grandmother died in November of last year. My aunt called me at close to 1 a.m. on that morning. She told me that my beloved grandmother had passed away. To explain how much my grandmother means to me and my family could fill volumes. Let's just say she was like our Moses. Rather than crying initially, and after making a few more phone calls, I had a craving for God's Word. I was led first to read about Lazarus in John 11. From there my mind and spirit took me all throughout the New Testament. I meditated upon verses like 2Thessalonians 3:16, 2Corinthians 5:1-8, Philippians 1:21, and 2Timothy 4:6-8. The Scriptures comforted me with the truths and promises of God. And this has been my resting place.

All of my life experiences help me to be a well-balanced counselor, teacher, pastor, husband, friend, brother, and disciple. One who can empathize with loss, deep hurt, sadness, pain, anger, disappointments, failures, resentment, injustices, consequences, etc. One who can counsel from the Gospel in the same manner Christ has counseled me with His wondrous Gospel of Grace, Life, Restoration, Peace, and Love! One who can encourage others to lean and trust in the sovereignty of God and pull strength and power from the indwelling Holy Spirit. One who can assist others in anchoring themselves in the truths and promises of Scripture so that they are not tossed to and fro by their emotions and circumstances.

The Word is the roadmap for our life as well as the life boat when we find ourselves in troubled waters. Follow it and hold on to it daily, but even more so when facing life issues.

11/2/2011

Codependency vs. Submission

There is a very fine line between codependency and submission. One may think they're being submissive when in fact they are codependent. You have to know what each mean in order to clearly make out that very fine line between the two. Let's talk about codependency first.

Background on Codependency
"The concept of codependence was first developed in relation to alcohol and other substance abuse addictions. The alcoholic or drug abuser was the dependent, and the person involved with the dependent person in any intimate way (spouse, lover, child, sibling, etc.) was the codependent." However, this concept has broadened. "Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships."

What Does Codependency Mean?
1. "A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition [like an addiction or other kinds of negative behaviors]"
2. "Dependence on the needs of [another] or [the] control by another"
3. "A tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting ones needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others."
4. "Anyone showing an extreme degree of certain personality traits: denial, silent or even cheerful tolerance of unreasonable behavior from others [excessive compliance], a need to control others, finding identity through relationships with others, a lack of personal boundaries, and low self-esteem [insecure]."

If we sum up these definitions we see that "codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking."
Codependency is "a progressive disease, one which gets worse without treatment until the codependent becomes unable to function successfully in the world." Therefore, as codependency progresses it "can lead to depression, isolation, self-destructive behavior or even suicide."

Biblical Stories of Codependency
_Abraham and Sarah (Gen. 16:1-6)--Abraham displays codependent behavior in giving in to the need of Sarah rather than trusting and resting in God's promise. He was overly passive (didn't speak up) when Sarah blamed him for listening to her. And he gave in (excessive compliance) when Sarah wanted to falsely punish Hagar.
_Jacob, Leah, and Rachel (Gen. 29:16-30:24)--Jacob loved Rachel from the beginning, but not Leah. He loved Rachel so much he served double the amount (14yrs) just for her hand in marriage; which is the start of his codependent behavior. God, in turn, opened Leah's womb because Jacob loved Rachel and not her, and she gave birth to Jacob's first handful of children. This leads Rachel, who was barren, to give her maid-servant to Jacob to have her (Rachel's) kids, all out of jealously of Leah. Jacob does speak against it, but then he gives in to her. Leah, then jealous of Rachel, goes and does the same thing with her maid-servant. Jacob again gives in. Jacob, amidst his two jealous wives, displays he's codependent.
_David and Bathsheba (2Sam. ch.11, 12:24)--David wrongly sleeps with a married women (Bathsheba). He then goes on to attempt to cover up his sin. Eventually he gets Bathsheba's husband killed to cover it up. Immediately after her time of mourning--which in those days was anywhere from 7days to 30days--for her dead husband, David marries her and sleeps with her again. She gets pregnant. But God, who is displeased with David's sin, doesn't allow them to have the child. Bathsheba has a miscarriage. Immediately after her time of mourning--7 to 30days--(and time of cleansing, which is 7days) for her dead child, David sleeps with her to "comfort her". From all of this we see David displaying his lust problem and Bathsheba displaying her codependency.

Points to Ponder
Point#1: The "object" of the codependency uses manipulation and control to keep the codependent person codependent (the revolving door cycle--the codependent person allows the "object" to come and go and do as they please without effective consequences).
Point#2: Codependency enables the problem and/or condones the sin of the "object" the person is codependent upon.
Point#3: "Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree." Read David and Abigail (1Sam. 25:14-42) for an example of this point.

So, after all of the discussion on codependency, the question that looms is...how. How do we break codependency? The answer: By becoming "submissive" unto Jesus first and foremost for as long as we live--all day, everyday.

What is Submission?
Merriam-Webster defines submission as: "a willing act of [yielding or making oneself subject] to the authority or control of another".
The Bible's prescriptive definition of submission is: (Gr. hupotasso) "to place or rank under; to subject; put in subjection".

Points to Ponder
Point#1: Submission is identical to a bondservant (Rom. 1:1, Tit. 1:1, Jam. 1:1, 2Pet. 1:1)--someone who willingly puts oneself in servanthood to another.
Point#2: We must first be submissive unto Jesus (be a bondservant of Christ) before we can properly and healthily be submissive (a bondservant) to anyone else (Eph. 5:21-22, Col. 3:18, 1Pet. 3:1-2; 5:5--wives submissive to their husbands and we all are to be submissive one to another).
Point#3: Submission finds its source of contentment in the one it's submitted to (i.e. Jesus, not our spouse or others).

Conclusion
Biblical submission is not duped, easily mislead, willfully blind to the reality of the sin and problems in the relationship, or lacking in administering effective consequences like someone who is codependent. Biblical submission is grounded; it draws a definitive line in the sand. And why is biblical submission grounded? Because biblical submission finds its source of contentment in the One the submission is primarily unto...Jesus Christ. Hence if the consequences of the sin and problem(s) severs relationships, one's contentment is still intact because it was submitted to Christ and not the relationship.

A believer in Christ must submit to Christ as their first (or primary) spouse/relationship, and their earthly spouse/relationships secondarily. Thus, as long as our submission is unto Christ and not primarily unto another, regardless to the relationships coming and going and starting and ending it will not treat us like a puppet (being pulled to and fro) because we're submissive unto Jesus first. Our faithfulness and love unto our spouses/relationships are a by-product of our individual submission and surrendering unto Jesus (example--Abigail).

You cannot be biblically submissive unto Jesus and still codependent upon another person. It's either you are codependent or you are submissive.

What I've shared, I'm sharing from experience and education. I was codependent. I followed my idol (my wife) right into sin. After my fall and all throughout my restoration, I've become (and daily work on staying) submissive unto Jesus first and foremost. This I share to help liberate someone else that may be codependent, ignorant about codependency, ignorant about submission, or just needs to hear the truth about this struggle so to not fall into it. I hope this helped. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask. There is more to this topic, but this should be enough for this type of venue.

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References:
(Merriam-webster.com)
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency)
(http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_g2699/is_0000/ai_2699000060/)
(http://kjvs.scripturetext.com/)
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6/14/2010

Genesis Contemplations II

GENESIS CONTEMPLATIONS II

Curse of Cain, son of Adam:
Most of us are familiar with the story of Cain and Abel. Cain’s offering to the Lord was rejected while his brother Abel’s was accepted. I can go off and get into why that was the case, but I’m not. Cain goes on to draw his brother Abel out into the field and then kill him. This is where I want to meditate. Cain kills his brother. God confronts him about it. Cain denies even knowing what God is talking about. God then curses Cain, “So now you are cursed from the earth… When you till the ground, it shall no longer yield its strength to you. A fugitive and a vagabond you shall be on the earth.” That’s it. God hit Cain right where it hurt the most, Cain’s gifting. The Bible says Cain was a tiller of the ground (Gen. 4:2). God said your gift will be useless now, the thing you love to do (or the thing you are great at doing) will no longer yield to you, and you shall continually wander among the earth. That’s it from God. His said His peace, He rendered His punishment.
     Cain, on the other hand, feeling the brunt of the punishment for what he did, says to God, “My punishment is greater than I can bear!” (Gen. 4:13-14). Separated from his family, soon to be separated from the presence of God (Gen. 4:16), living with the guilt of what he did to his younger brother, and in his mind a useless existence because the thing that identified him will no longer do so. Outcasted by the consequence of his action, just like his father Adam was, Cain in a depressed, guilt-ridden state of mind goes on to add on to God’s curse and curse himself, “…it will happen that anyone who finds me will kill me.” (Gen. 4:14). Cain no longer wants to live. But God, demonstrating yet again—like He did with Cain’s father—what Paul says in Romans 5:8, adds a curse onto Cain’s curse, ““Therefore whoever kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the Lord set a mark on Cain, lest anyone finding him should kill him.” (Gen. 4:15).
     How wonderful is our God, that even when Cain cursed himself for the pain and affliction he caused his parents and himself by way of his selfish acts, God sovereignly intervened and saves him, not from the consequences, but from the added curse he put on himself. Not only did God do this for Cain, but for Cain’s grandson Lamech as well. Like his grandfather Lamech killed a man and possibly internally cursed himself (Gen. 4:17-19, 23). God perceiving something in regards to this put a curse on anyone who attempted or did kill Lamech for what he did (Gen. 4:24).

The takeaway
What can we take away from Cain son of Adam? One is to be honest before God and with God. Another is to know that we are our brother and sister’s keeper and God will hold us accountable accordingly. Also our life is not identified by our gift(s), careers, accomplishments, and so on, but rather our lives are to be identified with the Creator and Giver of all good things. It should affect and penetrate us more to know we can lose fellowship (not relationship) with our God because of our sin more than we are affected or penetrated by the loss of anything else. And finally there are times in our life where we curse ourselves for the pain and affliction our selfish acts have caused others and/or ourselves. What we need to know is our God sees and knows what the just consequence is for our actions (and will allow such), and in His mercy He intervenes and “sets a mark” on us to keep us from our own curses.

Curse of Ham, son of Noah:
The Bible says from Noah’s three sons the whole earth was populated (Gen. 9:19). Noah’s son Ham has a very interesting story and lineage, which had major implications on history.
     In Genesis 9:22 the Bible records Ham seeing his father’s nakedness and then telling his two brothers. Ham’s brothers Shem and Japheth covered their father without looking at his nakedness (Gen. 9:23). Because of what Ham did God cursed Ham’s son Canaan (Gen. 9:25-27). But back to Ham, we’ll get to Canaan later. Ham’s decision to look upon his father and not cover him caused lingering internal problems for his lineage. Ham begot Cush (Gen. 10:6). Cush is the father of Nimrod (Gen. 10:8). The infamous Nimrod built a kingdom from Babel (which is Babylon- Gen. 11:9) to Assyria (Gen. 10:8-12). In Assyria Nimrod built Nineveh, whom we know from the story of Jonah. Nimrod was the founder of the lands and nations that were future enemies to the Israelites. Ham begot Mizraim (Gen. 10:6). Mizraim begot the father of the Philistines (Gen. 10:13-14), a consistent enemy of Israel during the Old Testament. Ham begot Canaan (Gen. 10:6). Canaan begot majority of the “ites” the Israelites warred with in the Old Testament (Gen. 10:15-18). And that is because Canaan was cursed to be a servant to the lineage of which the Israelites came through, Noah’s son Shem (Gen. 9:26; 11:10-26). The border of the Canaanites stretched from Sidon to as far as Gaza to as far as Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen. 10:19). We know Sodom and Gomorrah as the most sexually vile city among the world at one point (Gen. 13:13; 18:20-21; 19:1-13). They were a straight descendant of the first person to look upon the nakedness of the same sex--his father at that. Should we be shocked by Sodom and Gomorrah seeing the lineage in which they descend from? I think not. Canaan is also the land promised by God to the descendants of Abraham (Gen. 12:4-7; 15:12-21).
     More can be expounded on, but for the point I’m trying to make this is enough.

The takeaway
We can see from one man’s act, a whole lineage was internally cursed (also displayed in Cain with Lamech). This may be the case in your life. Your parents (or their parents, and so on) passed on their lineage of dysfunction to you in someway—depression, promiscuity, alcoholism, drug abuse, status seeking, people pleasing, bad decision making, etc. Praise God for making a way for us to born from the Seed of promise and not from the seed of shame! Praise God for Jesus who can break our generational dysfunctionality from being passed on to our children (ref. Acts 16:31-34) as long as we follow His prescription on life (Rom. 6:10-23).* (Let me clarify something. I didn't say nor was I implying that all of our problems, struggles, or the affects/influence of sin in our lives will go away because we are saved. Paul prayed three times that God would remove the thorn from his flesh, but He didn't. There are "thorn(s)" God allows to stay in our lives so that we, like Paul, don't get to elated and we always have a reminder of our constant need for Jesus- 2Cor. 12:7-10).

Conclusion
To conclude on both, how great is our God! For while we were still sinners He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for us and redeem us from the curse of the law (and the curse of ourselves) and bring us into grace! This grace is available for us in every area of our lives and in every situation we come upon. Take away from these two whatever you can. I hope my contemplations have helped you in someway.

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* Just because Jesus can break any generational curse/dysfunction from being passed on by us to our children that doesn’t mean that our children won’t have any dysfunction or cause and pass on any dysfunction of their own (Jer. 31:29-30, Hos. 10:12-13, Gal. 6:7-8).

2009