This past Sunday (5/21/17), I taught part 5 of my church's relationship series. My topic was, what is now, the title of this blog. I'm not a fan of topicy-topics, and this topic is so broad and so polarizing that up until after both services I was not sure how it was going to be received. Surprisingly, it was received far better than I could've imagined. Awesome how the Holy Spirit works, right! Based on the feedback I received, and since I had manuscripted the whole message (minus the parts where I expounded on the Bible references, and so on), I decided to post it along with the link to the audio sermon. May this not only bless you but challenge you to better understand and obey God accordingly.
I. Introduction
As a student of Scripture and a student of history, I have observed, relating to the topic I’m teaching on today, that a noticeable and touchy complication in relationships is in how men and women regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences. And that is pretty much my objective this morning, to biblically address how men and women are to regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences. In order to do so, I’ll be tackling 4 things: (i)how men and women are similar, (ii)how men and women are different, (iii)how things get complicated, and (iv)how we are to be in regarding and treating one another’s similarities and differences.
Some things to NOTE:
-According to Scripture, we are similar universally in...
I. Introduction
As a student of Scripture and a student of history, I have observed, relating to the topic I’m teaching on today, that a noticeable and touchy complication in relationships is in how men and women regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences. And that is pretty much my objective this morning, to biblically address how men and women are to regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences. In order to do so, I’ll be tackling 4 things: (i)how men and women are similar, (ii)how men and women are different, (iii)how things get complicated, and (iv)how we are to be in regarding and treating one another’s similarities and differences.
Some things to NOTE:
- Topicy-topics are so broad they can pose the problem of the preaching coming across as too narrow. So if by the end, some of you think that I didn’t touch enough or address other specifics, forgive me in advance.
- Most of this won’t be surprising. But it will challenge what we say we believe to be true with how we actually live out what we say we believe to be true.
- A lot of what I’ll be touching on today is applicable for all relationships and interactions with others, not just between men and women. But my context for this message is between men and women. So keep that in mind.
-According to Scripture, we are similar universally in...
- being image-bearers of God (Gen. 1:26-27)
Because God decided in His love, goodness, and grace to create us in His image and according to His likeness, He has placed a divine imprint of value on humankind (both man and woman). And by doing so, God has dignified man and woman above every other aspect of His Creation, including heavenly hosts. So, whether a person believes in Jesus or not, every human (man and woman) is worthy of dignity because their mere existence is God’s testimony of His divine imprint of value upon them. Yet, because of sin, there is a constant depreciation of viewing and treating each other with this value and dignity.- our humanness (Gen. 1:27)
You know what this mean? This means whatever trait we can think of for a human, we, both man and woman, share it (minus some biological traits, clearly). And to be sure this is being truly understood, I’ll push in a little further.
The traits that we normally attribute to men or women (e.g. men are physical, sexual, logical, etc; and women are nurturing, sensitive, emotional, etc), the Bible does not declare those things as reserved distinctly for one or the other only. Those differing traits may be true of many men and women, but not all, and they certainly don’t define a man as a “man” or a woman as a “woman”. But that’s exactly what we (society, culture, & the Church) do. For example, there are many women who possess traits normally attributed to men (e.g. toughness, works with their hands, analytical, driven, etc) in which we (society, culture, & the Church) chauvinistically call them “tomboy” or “boyish” or say things like “they wear the pants”, etc); and, there are many men who possess characteristics normally attributed to women (e.g. sentimental, affectionate, docile, etc) in which we (society, culture, & the Church) chauvinistically call them “effeminate” or “soft”, or say things like “he’s not a man’s-man”, etc. If God does not define a man as a “man” or a woman as a “woman” by the traits mankind normally attributes to men and women, then neither should we define each other as such. Because when we do so, we are compartmentalizing our humanness to suit and justify our control or minimization of the other sex (or the same gender).
We, as the Church, through the Holy Spirit, must follow the wisdom of God in Scripture and describe individuals (each man and woman) by how God has uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully created that man or woman in His image. We have to stop defining men and women by the customary, societal, and cultural qualifiers that overtly and subliminally emphasize the superiority or inferiority of one sex over the other, or by swinging the pendulum to the other extreme and attempt to terminate the distinction between male and female altogether. None of these are right or pleasing to God.
We are co-equal as image-bearers of God and co-equal in our humanness. Until we trust God enough to see this and accept this and stop defining one another by mankind’s flawed opinion and not God’s Word, we will not be able to treat and value each man and woman with dignity and equality.
-According to Scripture, we are similar, exclusively for those who are born-again, in that...- we are equal in Christ (Gal. 3:25-29)
What does this mean? This means God makes no distinction between man and woman in our spiritual status in Christ Jesus. We are equal brothers and sisters because we are both equally unconditionally loved by God as daughters and sons. We are both equally seated with Christ in the heavenlies. We are both equally citizens and ambassadors of the Kingdom. We are both equally ministers of the Gospel. We are both equally disciples of Jesus. Neither man nor woman is superior or inferior to the other in Christ. And we should never make the other feel as such. These 3 are how men and women are similar: (i)in our value in God’s eyes as image-bearers, (ii)in our humanness, and specifically for Christians, (iii)in our spiritual status in Christ. We need to value and treat each other appropriately in these ways, and yes it will be tough, but we can do so through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
III. How are men and women different?
-According to Scripture, we are different universally…- in our individuality (Ps. 139:13-16)
While your biology defines you as a man or woman (i.e. male = man; female = woman, cf. Gen. 1:27), it is your character (i.e. the sum of your traits, disposition, and convictions) as an individual man or woman that defines what kind of a man or woman you are. When you add how God fearfully and uniquely created you in His image + your sinful nature (which has distorted some of God’s image in you) + how you’ve been nurtured and influenced throughout your life (i.e. “the days that were formed for [you]”) = your individuality that defines what kind of a man or woman you are.
And therein lies another reason why men and women are different, because this equation is filled in differently for each person. Hence, you will never find two of the same individuals. So, men and women, embrace and appreciate your God-shaped individualities without equating superiority or inferiority to the other, because your individuality is what makes you “you” and others “them”.
Now, I’m not saying we have to like everybody. I’m also not saying we have to like everything about everybody. I’m saying because we’re co-equal in value to God, co-equal in our humanness, and (for believers) co-equal in our status in Christ, we have to value and respect the different individualities of other men and women.
-According to Scripture, we are different, exclusively for those who are born-again...
- in our roles in marriage
IV. How things get complicated...
Scripture is clear from OT to NT, man has his particular instructions for his role/responsibility as “husband” and woman has her particular instructions for her role/responsibility as “wife”. The most emphatic and defining example of the difference in the roles in marriage is Jesus and the Church (Eph. 5:22-33). Jesus’ marriage with the Church is a model of how the roles in a marriage relationship are to be:–Jesus = groom/husband | Christian husband’s role = sacrificial love, servant leadership, and to exhaustively care for, protect, pursue, and value his wife like Jesus does so for His Bride/the Church
Notice something, Jesus never steps into the Church’s role and the Church cannot step into Jesus’ role. There is a clear and necessary distinction in these roles. To change or ignore this undermines and rejects the nature of the relationship with Christ and His Church as well as the clear instructions to each spouse in Scripture. The consequences of changing or ignoring or disobeying these distinct roles in marriage leads to the same kind of fallout as Adam and Eve—Adam dropped the ball in his role and left his wife vulnerable and that led to sin, death, and destruction entering; Eve dropped the ball in her role and that too led to sin, death, and destruction entering; neither of them were innocent because both stepped outside of their roles.
–Church = bride/wife | Christian wife’s role = loving, respecting, pursuing, and following her husband’s lead like the Church does so unto Jesus
God gave us these different roles in marriage for two reasons, (i)for our complementary benefit and (ii)when carried out rightly (which we can do because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit) these roles, even through our imperfect marriage, still portrays the hidden beauty of Christ and the Church....and also of the Holy Trinity.–The two, husband and wife, become one flesh = plurality in oneness \ There is plurality in the oneness of God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
All of this reinforces the severity of marriage, because marriage portrays to a watching world the hidden beauty of Christ’s relationship with His Church and the Holy Trinity. Christian singles should not rush into marriage and Christian spouses cannot afford to be lazy in marriage.
–Husband and wife are equal as image-bearers, equal in their humanness, and equal in Christ, but are also distinct in their individuality and roles \ The Trinity is co-equal as God and distinct in personhood as God.
–Thus, marriage as also a portrait of the hidden beauty of the Holy Trinity.
For Christians, our normal response to how things get complicated between men and women is what...? Sin. And maybe some of us will include and say “our differences/incompatibilities”, right? Yet as men and women, we complicate relationships not solely because of the generality of sin or because we’re different, but also because sin, selfishness, and fear specifically corrupts how we view our similarities and the good from our differences. And that corruption turns us either chauvinistic toward the other or preferential towards what’s familiar.
So you know what happens then? You get us men who, in our thinking, attitudes, and behaviors, whether knowingly or unknowingly, undervalue or devalue women. So much so, that by the 1800s women began contending for liberation from the discrimination of male domination; and the Bible was the basis for this movement in the US. And from the broader positive perspective of that movement, they were right to use the Bible as we’ve already seen today from our shared similarities. Feminism exists because of the sin of men having consciously and persistently failed at treating women and loving our wives like Scripture commands.- Men, women are not to be objectified sexually or by their appearance (this includes our wives too). They are image-bearers of God who are to be treated, valued, and loved as such. Be intentional about guarding against your lust and checking your desires for sex because of lust.
- Christian men, as husbands, marriage is not your totalitarian domain. You are to be servant-leaders who follow Jesus’ example in how He leads His Bride/the Church. How you lead your wife affects how she loves you, and that ripples down to how your kids will lead and love their future spouses.
- Men, don’t presume a woman’s role is to motherhood only or to be a stay-at-home wife/mom only. That can (not will, but can) limit the beauty and potential of their God-designed individuality.
- Men, no woman owes you a single thing. You, like they, are indebted to God alone and none other.
- Christian wives, your husband is not an emperor or a savior, you are not a subservient subject or a co-dependent doormat. You are to be lovers of Jesus your Savior and seek to ultimately please Him in your marriage as He has instructed you.
- Christian wives, on the other hand, don’t misapply God’s design for marriage by removing or reinterpreting or reversing the distinct roles He’s clearly and repeatedly laid out in Scripture for both you and your husband—even if your husband isn’t living up to it (cf. 1Pet. 3). Be on your guard against the curse of Eve (cf. Gen. 3:16), because your fleshly desire will be, in some way, for your husband’s role.
- Women, you are not to “use what you got to get what you want”, that is sinful and distorts and devalues the beauty of God’s image in you.
- Women, men are not sugar-daddies or boy-toys or meal-tickets or emotional plug-ins. They too are image-bearers of God who are to be treated, valued, and loved as such.
- Women, don’t assume the worst of men to the point that you become guilty of the same sin committed against you—discrimination, unfairness, chauvinism.
- Women, despite the centuries of male chauvinism, no man owes you a single thing. You, like they, are indebted to God alone and none other.
V. Conclusion: How we are to be regarding and treating one another…
I started this morning by saying, a noticeable and touchy complication in relationships is in how men and women regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences and that we were going to have to address several things to discover how to biblically deal with this. Throughout my sermon, if you’ve noticed, I have pointed out several things we, as believers, “are to be doing” (and can do because of the Holy Spirit) concerning how we regard and treat one another’s similarities and differences.- We are to see and accept our co-equality in value to God, in our humanness, and in our status in Christ, so we can esteem and interact with each other appropriately in these ways.
- We have to stop defining one another by mankind’s flawed opinion and not God’s Word, so we can treat and value each man and woman with dignity and equality.
- We are to value and respect our God-shaped individualities as men and women without equating superiority or inferiority to the other, because your individuality is what makes you “you” and others “them”.
- We are to rightly carry out our distinct roles as husband and wife modeled after Jesus’ marriage to the Church for our complementary benefit and to portray the hidden beauty of Christ and His Church (as well as the Holy Trinity).
- We must recognize our necessity of each other because we are incomplete without the other.
We must be anchored in the truth of knowing that our similarities and differences are an extension of God’s love, goodness, and grace. Therefore, when we regard and treat one another appropriately in these ways we then are being an extension of God’s love, goodness, and grace to each other; which also means the opposite is true, we are then withholding God’s love, goodness, and grace when we don’t regard and treat one another appropriately in these ways.
I’ll end with some reflections questions and a time of response.- How are you with treating and valuing each other with dignity and equality?
- How are you with regarding and respecting each other’s individuality?
- How are you representing Christ in these ways toward each other?
- How are you at encouraging and urging other believers to represent Christ in these ways toward each other?
For unbelievers, what you need to know is that the God that you are running from, rejecting, and rebelling against created you in love and has placed His divine imprint of value upon you. You are valuable to God, so much so that He doubled your value by sending His Son to die for you. I implore you to respond to Him in faith today for your salvation.
- in our roles in marriage
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Our Communities need the Church to be the Pillar of Peace
Just as I did with Ferguson, I am doing so now. I waited. I watched. I thought. I prayed. Now I speak.
I am not attempting to address all the ills in our country or even the most recent ones, nor am I attempting to address why we have all these ills in our country. My hope is that as believers grounded with a biblical worldview we already understand that the reason for all the world's problems is sin and until Christ returns problems will persist. That said, I do want to address the Church's response (collectively and individually) to the wrongful events in our country involving discrimination and injustice in our communities.
Seeing Shalom in Our Communities
Last night at our church we studied Micah 5. One of the takeaways from our Micah 5 study was, "Jesus is peace/shalom (wholeness; nothing missing, nothing broken)." (v5a, cf. Isa. 9:6-7, John 14:27, Eph. 2:14)
“And he will be the source of peace.” (Micah 5:5a, NLT)
“For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies will make this happen!” (Isa. 9:6-7, NLT)
“I am leaving you with a gift—–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27, NLT)
“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility…” (Eph. 2:14, NIV)
In a world that is rapidly becoming more divisive and hateful, Jesus is truly the only hope of peace in this world. We as ambassadors and children of God are to be the representation of His peace in this divisive, hateful, and hostile world, even if it costs us our lives/reputation/status in the process.
The Church is supposed to be the safe place for conversations concerning those who feel discriminated toward or have experienced injustice and the bridge toward reconciliation and peace in our communities when trust and unity has been destroyed or corroded between peoples. Sadly, we are not a safe place or a bridge (for the most part). But why is the Church supposed to be this? Because as you see in those verses above, Jesus is peace. There is no true peace apart from Jesus. The world cannot give each other true peace. But the Church can, because we are the Body of Christ filled with the Spirit of Christ!
The Church should not be getting sucked up into the media-driven (social media included) stew that profits nothing but more division, hate, and hostility. We're supposed to be the voice and sign of Jesus' peace/shalom in the midst of chaos. Why? Because we who profess Christ bear the name and the redeemed image of He who is Peace/Shalom and we know His peace/shalom is the only substantial answer.
Church, be His peace/shalom during these turbulent seasons. Christian, be His peace/shalom during these turbulent seasons. Release Jesus into the situation through being an extension of His peace/shalom.
Please, don't misunderstand His peace/shalom. Jesus' peace is not passive or weak or quiet. His peace/shalom is wholeness. Restoring wholeness in a broken situation involving broken people while still part of this broken world, that is His peace/shalom in action. Be that! Do that! Pursue that! Pray for that! And trust God with the rest.
How Can We Begin Restoring Wholeness in Our Communities, Church?
1. Truly care for your community and your surrounding communities (especially those in turmoil).
- Become the safe place for victims.
-Mourn with them. Pray with them and for them. Hug them. Love on them. Speak less, listen more, and think before you speak. Be patient with them––not everyone bounces back as quickly as others.
- Become the neutral zone for the community.
-Show the community you don't take sides, you're not trying to be God, or the law, or the government (civil, state, or federal). Therefore, ALL parties of the community (the minorities, the majority, the civil servants, the forgotten, the outcasted, the young, the old, etc) will feel like their voice will be heard. And always, ALWAYS exemplify grace. Grace softens hard hearts. Grace is the entryway to the Gospel.
- Have purposeful conversations with disunited members of the community.
-Find out if there are members of the community who feel mistreated or discriminated toward. Hear them out. What are the problems? What are the concerns? With whom and why? What does reconciliation look like? Then gather all the parties and discuss ways to begin working toward reconciliation.
- Partner with other churches, para-church ministries/organizations, and community organizations in your community.
-There is strength in numbers and unity. When the churches begin working together with each other and other local ministries/organizations, the community begins working together. When a community begins working together, then progress and improvement is underway.
Many churches do a great job of preaching the gospel. But very few churches do a great job of demonstrating the Gospel.
- Serve your community.
-Just as Christ came and served us according to our need (Matt. 20:28), we follow His example and serve others according to their needs. Find ways to be in your community, serving them and serving alongside them. Don't assume you know what they need (other than salvation). Ask first, then serve.
- Accept all within your community.
-Is your church truly welcoming to all of those in your community? Would any minorities or other ethnicities in your community feel welcomed in your church? Would any homosexuals in your community feel welcomed in your church? Whoever is in your community should feel just as welcomed in your church as God welcomed you into His family when you were His enemy (Rom. 5:6-8). And this goes beyond words. This is shown by your actions and attitudes toward them.
- Be the example of unity and love to your community.
-Show the community what true unity and love looks like by how you unite with and love one another in your church, other churches, and the community.
- Pray for the events and churches in other communities.
-Don't be indifferent toward the troubles in other communities. Pray for them. This further demonstrates unity and love to your community.
- Extend a hand across the aisle and support other churches as they are demonstrating the gospel in their communities.
-We are the Body of Christ. Our unity is a testimony of Jesus to the watching world (John 17:21). So whenever there is an opportunity to stand with each other in righteousness or in gospel demonstration, do so! This further demonstrates unity and love to your community.
Here is the balance to #1 & #2. The Gospel is not for the salvation of communities. The Gospel is for the salvation of people (Rom. 1:16). The Church's aim in being the pillar of peace in our communities is not for the salvation of the community but for the salvation of the people of our communities. Once the people come to Christ in saving faith, communities will change. It is the Church's job to proclaim and demonstrate Jesus. It is the Church's job to be the representation of Jesus' peace/shalom in our communities. It is Jesus' job to do the saving and restoration, not the Church's. So, let us simply do our part and then we wait, watch, and trust Jesus with His part.
Final Word
I am fully aware that what I have discussed may not be applicable outside the US. I am also aware that there may come a point in the future where it will not be applicable in the US. But as of now it is. Thus, Church in the US, for the sake of the Gospel and those whom Christ died for, be the pillar of peace in our communities. They need you. We need you. I need you.
__________
*Earlier this year I taught a sermon entitled "Jesus on Justice & Injustice toward Others". It's a message on Jesus' view of kingdom justice toward others. We would do well if we walked this out as churches/Christians.
July 7, 2016Thursday, November 29, 2012
What's Trending? #NoSeminaryNoRespect
There are several trends in Christendom that have been good, some not so good, and some that have been destructive. I'm not going to speak on the trends in the past. I'm not really writing to speak on all the current trends right now. Today, I want to address the trend of what I call "Ministry Qualification Validation". It's a trend that has sadly been around for centuries.
The ministry what?
The "ministry qualification validation" is if you do have a degree from a Bible college or seminary or something similar, then you are unspokenly validated by non-lay members, ministry equals, and respected leaders in Christendom. But if you do not have an undergrad degree, or a graduate degree, or a seminary degree, then somehow you are not qualified or as qualified for ministry and unspokenly treated less than or differently than those who have these degrees. It's like a degree is your ticket into the "good ol' boys club"….one's "right of passage" into the "Christendom country club"….the "member's only" card….the golden "pilot's wings"…the "my precious" from Lord of the Rings.
Am I implying that there is something wrong with getting biblical education/training for ministry? Absolutely not! I'm in college for biblical studies and counseling! But the pressure to go to college for "ministry qualification" can be spiritually and emotionally unhealthy. It can create validation issues. Here's how.
Some will reason in themselves, whether knowingly or unknowingly, "I now feel validated and am qualified by my degree to serve in ministry."
While others will reason, "I don't believe I am qualified to serve in ministry because I haven't gone to Bible college or have some formal biblical education."
And then those on the sideline will believe they're doing some good by suggesting that another should go to college because they have a desire to be in ministry, and, whether knowingly or unknowingly, they are validating college/formal biblical education as a qualifying requirement for acceptance into ministry.
Whether we believe it or not, or accept it or not, there is this unspoken class distinction and validation that takes place in ministry among those with degrees/formal biblical education and the quiet minimization of those without. This 'ministry qualification validation' is now spreading over into those not in ministry and how they view those who have degrees and those without and how they view going into ministry or not. This is unhealthy, harmful, and dangerous.
The qualifiers that matter
Having a degree or going to seminary is not a biblical qualification for ministry or pastoring. Scripture does emphasize a certain standard of biblical education/training for ministry leaders and pastors (1Timothy 1:3-4; 3:6; 4:6, 16; 5:17; 6:20-21, 2Tim. 1:13; 2:15, 24-25, Titus 1:9; 2:1, 7-8). But that standard is to be true for every disciple (Matt. 28:19-20). Furthermore, the biblical education the Scripture speaks of is not an exclusive standard consisting only in the completion of a Bible college or seminary degree. One's mature, godly character and proper understanding of sound doctrine are the only qualifications the Scripture requires (1Tim. 3:1-13, Tit. 1:5-9; 2:1-7, Acts 6:3). Seminary and Bible colleges aren't the only places where this can be received. To be honest, they are actually inadequate in meeting these qualifications alone. If the local church, however, does its job in biblically discipling its members, then devoted believers will meet these qualifications. A piece of paper and thousands of dollars in debt are not necessary.
Did you know seminary and Bible colleges during the 1st century were free and open to every believer? It's true!Do you know why? Because this biblical education/training took place in the form of discipleship, not a formalized education institution. Over the centuries it became institutionalized and biblical discipleship among the people became open only to those in leadership….only to the "elite"…I mean "the called". Even after the Reformation this still went on, because by then the damage had been done. Even up to the Puritans coming to the Americas, they simply transferred this institutionalist thinking from England to the New World. And so forth this went on throughout history until today.Again, I am not speaking against getting a biblical education/training nor am I speaking against Bible colleges and seminaries. I am simply bringing attention to an unchecked, unspoken, unhealthy trend and unbiblical standard that is continuing to create a class distinction among fellow brethren in ministry because of one having a degree and the other not.
Is this really a big deal?
Some may still say, "Chris, maybe you're blowing this out of proportion." I don't believe I am. Take a look at the picture I have here. It was part of an article written by the Vice President of a Bible college. The question on the picture plays right into the 'ministry qualification validation' trend. It begs the follow-up rebuttal question, "So does this mean if I don't go to Bible college I'll somehow live for God less in my lifetime?" I doubt that's what the author was implying, but the unspoken trend is present nonetheless. Another example is simply go to any Christian job site and look up qualifications for pastor or a ministry leader and see for yourself. The greater percentage of these churches and ministries state a "degree" is a necessary requirement for the position.
I've been to seminaries. I've been to leadership conferences. I've been among other pastors. And guess what, as soon as they find out I'm a pastor…bam!….that faithful, prejudice question never fails to come up, "So, where did you go (or do you go) to seminary?" I even get asked this at Christian rap concerts and urban functions. I have one better than that. I even got asked this by a realtor when my wife and I were looking to rent a home just last year. It's as if it's automatically presumed, 'since you're a pastor you must have went to seminary'. And I call it prejudice because that same presumption is like saying, 'since you go to church you must be saved', or 'since you're a white Christian you must be Republican', or 'since you're a black Christian you must be a Democrat'. It's as if this question is the qualifying litmus test, and one can't be a pastor without going to seminary.Why is that the standard question? Why not ask why they are in ministry as the standard question? Get to know their heart for God and His people. How do you think a person who hasn't gone to seminary or a Bible college feels or can receive this when they get asked that only because they said they're a pastor or ministry leader?Now, please be sure to hear me. I am not saying those who ask this question are asking from a negative place. Nonetheless, the presumption is still unhealthy. Why? Because if one did not go to seminary or a Bible college they may some how feel unfit or invalidated when someone asks that because they didn't. I am not presuming my conclusion is a standard, just a reality for some.
The bottom line
For those who feel led to go to Bible college and/or seminary, go for it! Or those who are already there, great! Learn a ton. Stay humble. And remember that ministry happens not in the classroom of college, but the classroom of life-on-life with other believers and unbelievers (see Acts). Also, don't judge other leaders and pastors who don't have a degree/formalized biblical education. Instead affirm them in the Lord as fellow laborers in the kingdom.
For those who have graduated, congrats! Be on guard for the pride of academia and institutionalism. Please don't flame this unhealthy, harmful, and dangerous trend. Treat all servants of Christ as equals and comrades in ministry. You'll be amazed at how that simple acceptance can healthily influence a person greatly and bring glory to God.For those who may not feel led to go to Bible college and/or seminary, or those who maybe cannot afford it, that's okay. Your qualification and validation for ministry is not wrapped up in men or their approval, nor colleges/seminaries and their approval, but God and Him alone! Paul said Jesus judged him faithful and appointed him to the ministry, even in light of his past (1Tim. 1:12-13). If God has called you to ministry, He will equip and prepare you for His service. Be eager and disciplined to learn sound doctrine. God has provided in our present age tons of free and affordable resources that you can learn just as much as those in college/seminary (see Recommended Sites). Take advantage of it. And continue to exude your heart for God, His word, and His people.For churches, (and both of those with degrees and those with none in the churches), we have to do a way better job at biblical discipleship and stop pawning our responsibilities off to the colleges and seminaries. If we spent more time making holistic disciples from the people in our pews, we'll raise up more qualified leaders in our churches, and find more people being saved, which leads to more disciples and more leaders; because disciples recycle disciples.Many believers and many leaders are feeling outcasted, sidelined, and mistreated by their fellow brethren because of this 'ministry qualification validation' trend. I pray that after reading this you are inspired to be intentional on not fueling this unhealthy and dangerous trend in your circles, and maybe we can start turning the tide and set a new trend….a trend of mutual camaraderie.Let us all remember that it is the Holy Spirit who guides all His children into all truth (Jn. 16:13). Bible colleges and seminaries are simply one of many means the Spirit may use as He fulfills His divine charge to guide us in all the truth. We all have to place our trust in Him and not presume He can or will only train up through this one mean or any one mean. And here's the anvil, when this class distinction and unspoken minimization takes place upon those without these degrees or formal biblical education/training, the people (leaders and non-leaders) who do so are in essence belittling the Holy Spirit's choice of how He goes about training up His servants for His work. I hope that hit you. Because it hit me.
Conclusion
I'll conclude with some points of clarification.
1. This was a brief article of me expressing my heart's concern about this trend. I hope I remained objective while not pulling any punches. It is not an exhaustive exposition on this topic. I hope you get my overall point.
2. The term "ministry" is broad. Other than my use of "pastoring", my use of "ministry" is wide-ranging.
3. This article may not be for everyone. Some folk may read this and have never been asked or assumed any of this. For some people in ministry this is far removed because of maybe the particular ministry you're involved in. Thus, if this was not for you, still please take away something from it so not to fall in the trap of this trend and gather some points on how to comfort or graciously correct someone negatively affected by this trend.
"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
(Col. 3:14)
11/29/12
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Influence of Our Perception/Perspective
Today I wanted to briefly share something that has been on my heart lately, that is, the natural progression of our perception/perspective and its tremendous influence in our life.Our perspective/perception is the steering wheel of our lives; it influences how we see, respond, think, and act toward people, places, emotions, situations, God, etc.
After I came to understand how severe this is, I made sure to briefly touch on it and place it within the first couple of pages of my discipleship book. It is now a constant mental discipline of mine. Allow me to share what I wrote."1. Perception: How we perceive things (see it) will determine how we receive it.2. Reception: How we receive things (take it) will determine how we understand it.3. Understanding: How we understand things (grasp it) will determine how we retain it.4. Retention: How we retain things (digest it) will determine how we apply it.5. Application: How we apply things (work it) will determine how we live.This progression is so instinctive that it takes place without our conscious knowledge. It’s a natural progression. One triggers the next. Also, there is a pro and con approach in effect. The pro approach is if we perceive things the right way, then we’ll receive, understand, retain, and apply whatever that may be correctly. The con approach is if we perceive things the wrong way, then we’ll receive, understand, retain, and apply whatever that may be incorrectly. It is for this very reason we have to be careful how we perceive things because our perception has an influential affect on the process of how we apply what we see, hear, read, believe, learn, and think in our life." (Discipleship State of Mind, pg. xv, (c)2015)
We have to renew our mind (not simply the way we think, but even the way we go about thinking––our perspective/perception) or our perspective/perception will conform to anything else but the words, wisdom, truth, promises, and ways of God! Don't let your negative or unreasonable or unbilblical perspective/perception steer you (or continue to steer you) down a path of insensitivity, lack of being objective or balanced, unhealthy communication, false or assumptive judgments and conclusions, gracelessness, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, arrogance, and on this list can go. I have been guilty of these very things because of my perception/perspective, and at times still are. But by the grace of God, the powerful working of the Holy Spirit in my life, and a sensitivity to wanting to obey God's Word and be pleasing unto Jesus, how I perceive/my perspective of people, things, and God has come a long way and so can yours...if you desire to."And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." (Rom. 12:1-2, NLT)
9/21/11
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Codependency vs. Submission
There is a very fine line between codependency and submission. One may think they're being submissive when in fact they are codependent. You have to know what each mean in order to clearly make out that very fine line between the two. Let's talk about codependency first.
Background on Codependency
"The concept of codependence was first developed in relation to alcohol and other substance abuse addictions. The alcoholic or drug abuser was the dependent, and the person involved with the dependent person in any intimate way (spouse, lover, child, sibling, etc.) was the codependent." However, this concept has broadened. "Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships."
What Does Codependency Mean?
1. "A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition [like an addiction or other kinds of negative behaviors]"
2. "Dependence on the needs of [another] or [the] control by another"
3. "A tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting ones needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others."
4. "Anyone showing an extreme degree of certain personality traits: denial, silent or even cheerful tolerance of unreasonable behavior from others [excessive compliance], a need to control others, finding identity through relationships with others, a lack of personal boundaries, and low self-esteem [insecure]."
If we sum up these definitions we see that "codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking."
Codependency is "a progressive disease, one which gets worse without treatment until the codependent becomes unable to function successfully in the world." Therefore, as codependency progresses it "can lead to depression, isolation, self-destructive behavior or even suicide."
Biblical Stories of Codependency
_Abraham and Sarah (Gen. 16:1-6)--Abraham displays codependent behavior in giving in to the need of Sarah rather than trusting and resting in God's promise. He was overly passive (didn't speak up) when Sarah blamed him for listening to her. And he gave in (excessive compliance) when Sarah wanted to falsely punish Hagar.
_Jacob, Leah, and Rachel (Gen. 29:16-30:24)--Jacob loved Rachel from the beginning, but not Leah. He loved Rachel so much he served double the amount (14yrs) just for her hand in marriage; which is the start of his codependent behavior. God, in turn, opened Leah's womb because Jacob loved Rachel and not her, and she gave birth to Jacob's first handful of children. This leads Rachel, who was barren, to give her maid-servant to Jacob to have her (Rachel's) kids, all out of jealously of Leah. Jacob does speak against it, but then he gives in to her. Leah, then jealous of Rachel, goes and does the same thing with her maid-servant. Jacob again gives in. Jacob, amidst his two jealous wives, displays he's codependent.
_David and Bathsheba (2Sam. ch.11, 12:24)--David wrongly sleeps with a married women (Bathsheba). He then goes on to attempt to cover up his sin. Eventually he gets Bathsheba's husband killed to cover it up. Immediately after her time of mourning--which in those days was anywhere from 7days to 30days--for her dead husband, David marries her and sleeps with her again. She gets pregnant. But God, who is displeased with David's sin, doesn't allow them to have the child. Bathsheba has a miscarriage. Immediately after her time of mourning--7 to 30days--(and time of cleansing, which is 7days) for her dead child, David sleeps with her to "comfort her". From all of this we see David displaying his lust problem and Bathsheba displaying her codependency.
Points to Ponder
Point#1: The "object" of the codependency uses manipulation and control to keep the codependent person codependent (the revolving door cycle--the codependent person allows the "object" to come and go and do as they please without effective consequences).
Point#2: Codependency enables the problem and/or condones the sin of the "object" the person is codependent upon.
Point#3: "Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree." Read David and Abigail (1Sam. 25:14-42) for an example of this point.
So, after all of the discussion on codependency, the question that looms is...how. How do we break codependency? The answer: By becoming "submissive" unto Jesus first and foremost for as long as we live--all day, everyday.
What is Submission?
Merriam-Webster defines submission as: "a willing act of [yielding or making oneself subject] to the authority or control of another".
The Bible's prescriptive definition of submission is: (Gr. hupotasso) "to place or rank under; to subject; put in subjection".
Points to Ponder
Point#1: Submission is identical to a bondservant (Rom. 1:1, Tit. 1:1, Jam. 1:1, 2Pet. 1:1)--someone who willingly puts oneself in servanthood to another.
Point#2: We must first be submissive unto Jesus (be a bondservant of Christ) before we can properly and healthily be submissive (a bondservant) to anyone else (Eph. 5:21-22, Col. 3:18, 1Pet. 3:1-2; 5:5--wives submissive to their husbands and we all are to be submissive one to another).
Point#3: Submission finds its source of contentment in the one it's submitted to (i.e. Jesus, not our spouse or others).
Conclusion
Biblical submission is not duped, easily mislead, willfully blind to the reality of the sin and problems in the relationship, or lacking in administering effective consequences like someone who is codependent. Biblical submission is grounded; it draws a definitive line in the sand. And why is biblical submission grounded? Because biblical submission finds its source of contentment in the One the submission is primarily unto...Jesus Christ. Hence if the consequences of the sin and problem(s) severs relationships, one's contentment is still intact because it was submitted to Christ and not the relationship.
A believer in Christ must submit to Christ as their first (or primary) spouse/relationship, and their earthly spouse/relationships secondarily. Thus, as long as our submission is unto Christ and not primarily unto another, regardless to the relationships coming and going and starting and ending it will not treat us like a puppet (being pulled to and fro) because we're submissive unto Jesus first. Our faithfulness and love unto our spouses/relationships are a by-product of our individual submission and surrendering unto Jesus (example--Abigail).
You cannot be biblically submissive unto Jesus and still codependent upon another person. It's either you are codependent or you are submissive.
What I've shared, I'm sharing from experience and education. I was codependent. I followed my idol (my wife) right into sin. After my fall and all throughout my restoration, I've become (and daily work on staying) submissive unto Jesus first and foremost. This I share to help liberate someone else that may be codependent, ignorant about codependency, ignorant about submission, or just needs to hear the truth about this struggle so to not fall into it. I hope this helped. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask. There is more to this topic, but this should be enough for this type of venue.
______________________
References:
(Merriam-webster.com)
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency)
(http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_g2699/is_0000/ai_2699000060/)
(http://kjvs.scripturetext.com/)
______________________
6/14/2010Friday, October 30, 2009
Genesis Contemplations II
GENESIS CONTEMPLATIONS II
Curse of Cain, son of Adam:
Most of us are familiar with the story of Cain and Abel. Cain’s offering to the Lord was rejected while his brother Abel’s was accepted. I can go off and get into why that was the case, but I’m not. Cain goes on to draw his brother Abel out into the field and then kill him. This is where I want to meditate. Cain kills his brother. God confronts him about it. Cain denies even knowing what God is talking about. God then curses Cain, “So now you are cursed from the earth… When you till the ground, it shall no longer yield its strength to you. A fugitive and a vagabond you shall be on the earth.” That’s it. God hit Cain right where it hurt the most, Cain’s gifting. The Bible says Cain was a tiller of the ground (Gen. 4:2). God said your gift will be useless now, the thing you love to do (or the thing you are great at doing) will no longer yield to you, and you shall continually wander among the earth. That’s it from God. His said His peace, He rendered His punishment.
Cain, on the other hand, feeling the brunt of the punishment for what he did, says to God, “My punishment is greater than I can bear!” (Gen. 4:13-14). Separated from his family, soon to be separated from the presence of God (Gen. 4:16), living with the guilt of what he did to his younger brother, and in his mind a useless existence because the thing that identified him will no longer do so. Outcasted by the consequence of his action, just like his father Adam was, Cain in a depressed, guilt-ridden state of mind goes on to add on to God’s curse and curse himself, “…it will happen that anyone who finds me will kill me.” (Gen. 4:14). Cain no longer wants to live. But God, demonstrating yet again—like He did with Cain’s father—what Paul says in Romans 5:8, adds a curse onto Cain’s curse, ““Therefore whoever kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the Lord set a mark on Cain, lest anyone finding him should kill him.” (Gen. 4:15).
How wonderful is our God, that even when Cain cursed himself for the pain and affliction he caused his parents and himself by way of his selfish acts, God sovereignly intervened and saves him, not from the consequences, but from the added curse he put on himself. Not only did God do this for Cain, but for Cain’s grandson Lamech as well. Like his grandfather Lamech killed a man and possibly internally cursed himself (Gen. 4:17-19, 23). God perceiving something in regards to this put a curse on anyone who attempted or did kill Lamech for what he did (Gen. 4:24).
The takeaway
What can we take away from Cain son of Adam? One is to be honest before God and with God. Another is to know that we are our brother and sister’s keeper and God will hold us accountable accordingly. Also our life is not identified by our gift(s), careers, accomplishments, and so on, but rather our lives are to be identified with the Creator and Giver of all good things. It should affect and penetrate us more to know we can lose fellowship (not relationship) with our God because of our sin more than we are affected or penetrated by the loss of anything else. And finally there are times in our life where we curse ourselves for the pain and affliction our selfish acts have caused others and/or ourselves. What we need to know is our God sees and knows what the just consequence is for our actions (and will allow such), and in His mercy He intervenes and “sets a mark” on us to keep us from our own curses.
Curse of Ham, son of Noah:
The Bible says from Noah’s three sons the whole earth was populated (Gen. 9:19). Noah’s son Ham has a very interesting story and lineage, which had major implications on history.
In Genesis 9:22 the Bible records Ham seeing his father’s nakedness and then telling his two brothers. Ham’s brothers Shem and Japheth covered their father without looking at his nakedness (Gen. 9:23). Because of what Ham did God cursed Ham’s son Canaan (Gen. 9:25-27). But back to Ham, we’ll get to Canaan later. Ham’s decision to look upon his father and not cover him caused lingering internal problems for his lineage. Ham begot Cush (Gen. 10:6). Cush is the father of Nimrod (Gen. 10:8). The infamous Nimrod built a kingdom from Babel (which is Babylon- Gen. 11:9) to Assyria (Gen. 10:8-12). In Assyria Nimrod built Nineveh, whom we know from the story of Jonah. Nimrod was the founder of the lands and nations that were future enemies to the Israelites. Ham begot Mizraim (Gen. 10:6). Mizraim begot the father of the Philistines (Gen. 10:13-14), a consistent enemy of Israel during the Old Testament. Ham begot Canaan (Gen. 10:6). Canaan begot majority of the “ites” the Israelites warred with in the Old Testament (Gen. 10:15-18). And that is because Canaan was cursed to be a servant to the lineage of which the Israelites came through, Noah’s son Shem (Gen. 9:26; 11:10-26). The border of the Canaanites stretched from Sidon to as far as Gaza to as far as Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen. 10:19). We know Sodom and Gomorrah as the most sexually vile city among the world at one point (Gen. 13:13; 18:20-21; 19:1-13). They were a straight descendant of the first person to look upon the nakedness of the same sex--his father at that. Should we be shocked by Sodom and Gomorrah seeing the lineage in which they descend from? I think not. Canaan is also the land promised by God to the descendants of Abraham (Gen. 12:4-7; 15:12-21).
More can be expounded on, but for the point I’m trying to make this is enough.
The takeaway
We can see from one man’s act, a whole lineage was internally cursed (also displayed in Cain with Lamech). This may be the case in your life. Your parents (or their parents, and so on) passed on their lineage of dysfunction to you in someway—depression, promiscuity, alcoholism, drug abuse, status seeking, people pleasing, bad decision making, etc. Praise God for making a way for us to born from the Seed of promise and not from the seed of shame! Praise God for Jesus who can break our generational dysfunctionality from being passed on to our children (ref. Acts 16:31-34) as long as we follow His prescription on life (Rom. 6:10-23).* (Let me clarify something. I didn't say nor was I implying that all of our problems, struggles, or the affects/influence of sin in our lives will go away because we are saved. Paul prayed three times that God would remove the thorn from his flesh, but He didn't. There are "thorn(s)" God allows to stay in our lives so that we, like Paul, don't get to elated and we always have a reminder of our constant need for Jesus- 2Cor. 12:7-10).
Conclusion
To conclude on both, how great is our God! For while we were still sinners He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for us and redeem us from the curse of the law (and the curse of ourselves) and bring us into grace! This grace is available for us in every area of our lives and in every situation we come upon. Take away from these two whatever you can. I hope my contemplations have helped you in someway.
_________________________________________________________________
2009Saturday, December 6, 2008
The People Problem
“People are the world's biggest problem”, one writer put it. And she is absolutely right. One of the main dilemmas with people is we're born pathological liars and pure idiots. To be blunt, we as people are stupid. Even the smartest, most creative, well spoken humans are stupid. Not stupid intellectually speaking, but stupid in regards to common sense and consequence.
We see from the first people of our human history––Adam and Eve––that we as a species are devoid common sense and perceiving consequences. Yeah, yeah, we can build, formulate, amaze each other, and so on. But when it comes to understanding the seriousness of our own choices, and thinking something all the way through before we do it, we suck. We are impulse driven people, reactional beings. More than not, we respond without thinking (i.e. without rationalizing the consequences of our own choices) on what we're getting ready to do. And because of that, we find ourselves in a bigger and smellier mess than we imagined. Or, we deceive our own selves into believing that we had nothing to do with it and it's all the other persons fault (e.g. Gen.3:9-12).
It's sad to know that people, when confronted with an issue (whatever that may be), can't stand back and say, “Here's my fault in it”; and then with that admission in mind, proceed forward with the matter. Regardless if justice is served, (bearing in mind that the same fallible people are the ones making the judgments), the fact that each party involved admitted beforehand to their part in it will make some kind of difference––at least to a mature individual. Even so, any kind of positive difference is a good thing; for our audience reaches beyond a two person capacity.
The younger generation observes everything. How we handle our choices in the midst of situations displays to the youth a pattern to follow or not to follow. Yet the same problem lies with the youth as with the older generation, they are also devoid common sense and perceiving consequences. Thus, they don't always learn from our mistakes. This then means we as parents, teachers, older family members, and so on, need to first learn how to better handle our part in situations and then show the younger people how to do the same. Otherwise, the dysfunctional method in which we handle situations will be absorbed and continued by them.
Understanding How To Get A Better Handle
We can learn a valuable understanding about “the people problem” from Newton's law of physics: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. In light of Newton's law of physics, every situation involving another person can be seen as an equation (e.g. 1 + 1 = 2). Every person(s) first does something, afterward the other person(s) involved reacts, and then there's the outcome: something good or something not good. The fact that someone outside of oneself is involved indicates this law or equation is present; for there can be no equation if there is only one variable. However, that's only part of the problem. The major part of the problem with this law/equation is it begets a cycle: first an initial action, then a reaction, and then a reaction from person one, and then another reaction from person two, and then another reaction from person one, and so on until someone stops it.
We've all heard the phrase, "it takes two to tango". Well, as a friend of mine mentioned, it also takes two to argue and two to fight. Many of my marital woes have come out of this law/equation. It wasn't until one of us apologized and admitted our fault that the present tension and misery stopped. Most of life's drama-filled issues will require two or more participants. And I guarantee you those drama-filled issues will (or have) beget that “cycle” and continue to go on until someone stops it. All it takes to stop this brutal cycle is simply admitting ones fault in the matter, apologizing for it, and not playing into it any longer. By removing oneself from the equation means there is only one variable. Only one variable means the equation is incomplete. And an incomplete equation can't give any outcome but incomplete. In this case, unlike what we were taught in school, an incomplete is a good thing.
“Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.” (Prov. 20:3, NLT)
A Biblical Resolution
My wife asked a very good question after she read this. She said how would I, using the Word of God, show the brothers and sisters in the faith how to regulate being “reactional”? The Bible gives a clear-cut prescription on how we as believers are to react/respond to other people in whatever the situation:1. Think before doing or speaking. (Prov. 15:28; 17:27-28, Jam. 1:19-20, Col. 4:6)
This prescription, if followed, will help us regulate our reactions/responses to other people in a way that Christ is pleased and glorified.
2. Exercise integrity/be honest. (Prov. 3:3-4; 10:9)
3. Be humble. (Prov. 3:5-8; 11:2, 12)
4. Walk in love. (Prov. 10:12; 17:9)
We have to remember, that even though when we follow this prescription (and it works like everything else the Bible prescribes works), it's neither by our power nor by our might that we are able to regulate our reactions/responses to other people. It is by the Spirit of God that we are able to do all that is pleasing to Christ (Phil. 2:13, Heb. 13:20-21); for how we react/respond to other people matters to Jesus (Matt. 5:16). In these situations we will either shine a good light on our witness for Christ or not. And as ambassadors for Jesus, our aim should always be to glorify Him and bring glory to His name wherever we are and in whatever we do (Col. 3:7, 1Cor. 10:31).
Conclusion
Yes, I made some bold accusations in the beginning of this article. But rightfully so. If we go back to the beginning of time in Genesis we'll see these claims to be true. I guess due to sin being passed down to everyone from Adam, stupidity figured it could hitch a ride as well. Yet, unlike our sinful nature, which will be present until Christ redeems us from the flesh, there is a cure for our stupidity––i.e. lying, foolishness, lack of common sense, not perceiving consequences––and that is...the Word of God. The Word of God is God's wisdom given to mankind (Prov. 2:1-9; 8:22-36, 1Cor. 1:30-31). It is the only cure for all of man's disorders, and in this case, the cure for our part in “the people problem”.
As a result of this article, I hope you and I both lean on the Holy Spirit to bring this all back to mind the next time we're amid “the people problem”. This way Jesus can be glorified, we can begin to experience a change in how we handle situations, and our witness for Christ not be ruined.
2007
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) - our humanness (Gen. 1:27)