“People are the world's biggest problem”, one writer put it. And she is absolutely right. One of the main dilemmas with people is we're born pathological liars and pure idiots. To be blunt, we as people are stupid. Even the smartest, most creative, well spoken humans are stupid. Not stupid intellectually speaking, but stupid in regards to common sense and consequence.
We see from the first people of our human history––Adam and Eve––that we as a species are devoid common sense and perceiving consequences. Yeah, yeah, we can build, formulate, amaze each other, and so on. But when it comes to understanding the seriousness of our own choices, and thinking something all the way through before we do it, we suck. We are impulse driven people, reactional beings. More than not, we respond without thinking (i.e. without rationalizing the consequences of our own choices) on what we're getting ready to do. And because of that, we find ourselves in a bigger and smellier mess than we imagined. Or, we deceive our own selves into believing that we had nothing to do with it and it's all the other persons fault (e.g. Gen.3:9-12).
It's sad to know that people, when confronted with an issue (whatever that may be), can't stand back and say, “Here's my fault in it”; and then with that admission in mind, proceed forward with the matter. Regardless if justice is served, (bearing in mind that the same fallible people are the ones making the judgments), the fact that each party involved admitted beforehand to their part in it will make some kind of difference––at least to a mature individual. Even so, any kind of positive difference is a good thing; for our audience reaches beyond a two person capacity.
The younger generation observes everything. How we handle our choices in the midst of situations displays to the youth a pattern to follow or not to follow. Yet the same problem lies with the youth as with the older generation, they are also devoid common sense and perceiving consequences. Thus, they don't always learn from our mistakes. This then means we as parents, teachers, older family members, and so on, need to first learn how to better handle our part in situations and then show the younger people how to do the same. Otherwise, the dysfunctional method in which we handle situations will be absorbed and continued by them.
Understanding How To Get A Better Handle
We can learn a valuable understanding about “the people problem” from Newton's law of physics: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. In light of Newton's law of physics, every situation involving another person can be seen as an equation (e.g. 1 + 1 = 2). Every person(s) first does something, afterward the other person(s) involved reacts, and then there's the outcome: something good or something not good. The fact that someone outside of oneself is involved indicates this law or equation is present; for there can be no equation if there is only one variable. However, that's only part of the problem. The major part of the problem with this law/equation is it begets a cycle: first an initial action, then a reaction, and then a reaction from person one, and then another reaction from person two, and then another reaction from person one, and so on until someone stops it.
We've all heard the phrase, "it takes two to tango". Well, as a friend of mine mentioned, it also takes two to argue and two to fight. Many of my marital woes have come out of this law/equation. It wasn't until one of us apologized and admitted our fault that the present tension and misery stopped. Most of life's drama-filled issues will require two or more participants. And I guarantee you those drama-filled issues will (or have) beget that “cycle” and continue to go on until someone stops it. All it takes to stop this brutal cycle is simply admitting ones fault in the matter, apologizing for it, and not playing into it any longer. By removing oneself from the equation means there is only one variable. Only one variable means the equation is incomplete. And an incomplete equation can't give any outcome but incomplete. In this case, unlike what we were taught in school, an incomplete is a good thing.
“Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.” (Prov. 20:3, NLT)
A Biblical Resolution
My wife asked a very good question after she read this. She said how would I, using the Word of God, show the brothers and sisters in the faith how to regulate being “reactional”? The Bible gives a clear-cut prescription on how we as believers are to react/respond to other people in whatever the situation:
1. Think before doing or speaking. (Prov. 15:28; 17:27-28, Jam. 1:19-20, Col. 4:6)
2. Exercise integrity/be honest. (Prov. 3:3-4; 10:9)
3. Be humble. (Prov. 3:5-8; 11:2, 12)
4. Walk in love. (Prov. 10:12; 17:9)
This prescription, if followed, will help us regulate our reactions/responses to other people in a way that Christ is pleased and glorified.
We have to remember, that even though when we follow this prescription (and it works like everything else the Bible prescribes works), it's neither by our power nor by our might that we are able to regulate our reactions/responses to other people. It is by the Spirit of God that we are able to do all that is pleasing to Christ (Phil. 2:13, Heb. 13:20-21); for how we react/respond to other people matters to Jesus (Matt. 5:16). In these situations we will either shine a good light on our witness for Christ or not. And as ambassadors for Jesus, our aim should always be to glorify Him and bring glory to His name wherever we are and in whatever we do (Col. 3:7, 1Cor. 10:31).
Conclusion
Yes, I made some bold accusations in the beginning of this article. But rightfully so. If we go back to the beginning of time in Genesis we'll see these claims to be true. I guess due to sin being passed down to everyone from Adam, stupidity figured it could hitch a ride as well. Yet, unlike our sinful nature, which will be present until Christ redeems us from the flesh, there is a cure for our stupidity––i.e. lying, foolishness, lack of common sense, not perceiving consequences––and that is...the Word of God. The Word of God is God's wisdom given to mankind (Prov. 2:1-9; 8:22-36, 1Cor. 1:30-31). It is the only cure for all of man's disorders, and in this case, the cure for our part in “the people problem”.
As a result of this article, I hope you and I both lean on the Holy Spirit to bring this all back to mind the next time we're amid “the people problem”. This way Jesus can be glorified, we can begin to experience a change in how we handle situations, and our witness for Christ not be ruined.
2007
Hello all. This blog I'm posting is actually the transcript (minus the parts that I freestyled) of a message I was privileged to share at my church's Life Recovery (12 Step Discipleship) Ministry.
Let me give a brief backdrop of why and what I was speaking on. My close brother in Christ, the lead teacher of this ministry, asked me to share on what he was teaching on the last couple of weeks including some of my own recovery and transformation in regards to the topic of discussion. He gave me some examples of what to talk on, and I simply used his questions as the platform for my dialogue.
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HOW HAS THE TOPIC OF DYING TO SELF IN JOHN 12 AFFECTED ME?
The topic of dying to self has affected me by helping me to realize numerous things regarding "self":
First, it has helped me to see that "self" (that is when I say "self" I mean selfishness, self-centeredness, selfish desires, selfish pursuits, selfish ambition, selfish tendencies, and so on) doesn't want to die.
Second, this topic has helped me to see that I am addicted to my"self".
Third, this topic has helped me to see that "self" is the biggest obstacle I face in trying to obtain wholeness––i.e. being whole in mind, body, and spirit (ref. 1Thess. 5:23).
Fourth, this topic has helped me to see that "self" deceives me into believing that… "I'm fine"; "I don't need help"; "I'm normal. You know, I'm like everyone else"; "I don't have a problem"; and so on. So basically it's deceiving me into believing I don't need to change.
Fifth, this topic has helped me to see that "self" lives to rebel against God; or in other words, its whole function is to rebel against God.
Sixth, this topic has helped me to see that "self" will never willingly surrender, it will never willingly admit defeat, it will never willingly confess its own deception, nor will it willingly admit its own faults.
Seventh, this topic has helped me to see that "self" will destroy us and whatever we treasure (ref. Numbers 16).
Eighth, this topic has helped me to see that unless we die to self we remain alone as we are––"self-will run riot".
In a nutshell, the topic of dying to self has helped me to see "self" for what it truly is, HORRIFYING. And then from that I said to myself, "Now that I know what "self" truly is, how do I actually die to it." This led me to do a Bible study on 9/10/08 of how to die to self, and I'll share with you what I discovered.
The first thing I came to understand was that we die to self the same way we put to death any other addiction, we starve it to death. Jesus says in Matt 10:24-25, to deny––not give in, abandon, reject––every form of selfishness. Thus, starving the addiction of self to death. Paul says in Phil. 2:3-4, "Do nothing through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind esteem others better than ourselves." He further says not to only look out for our own interest, but also for the interest of others. Affirming again starving the addiction of self to death, this time by way of regarding others more higher than ourselves. What better way of denying self than by putting others in the place of "self".
Paul says more in Rom. 12:1-2, 9-10, 16. Paul says we starve self by worship (vs. 1). Worship contrast selfishness. You cannot truly worship God from a selfish position. Paul says we starve self by being transformed by the renewing of our mind (vs. 2), which according to Paul in Eph. 4:23-24 is done by putting on the new man. Paul says we starve self by being sincere in our love for our brethren (vs. 9). Being sincere in our love is, according to Apostle John in 1Jn. 3:16, laying down our selfishness for the brethren. Paul affirms this in vs. 10, by reminding us that love is shown by honoring others more than ourselves. And lastly, Paul says in Rom. 13:14 that we starve self by being as close to Christ as the clothes we wear. The closer we get to Jesus the further we get away from self.
So let's sum it up. How do we die to self? We die by first starving selfishness (i.e. by not feeding it more selfishness and such), second by feeding on worship, third by regarding and honoring others more than ourselves (i.e. putting others before us), fourth by being transformed by the renewing of our mind, and fifth by cultivating (i.e. developing, nurturing, growing) more of the presence of God in our lives.
The next question then is what are the benefits of dying to self or starving the addiction of self? I mentioned Galatians 5:16-17. One benefit to dying to self is no longer fulfilling the lust of the flesh. And another benefit, according to the rest of that passage in Galatians, is bearing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, which ultimately glorifies Jesus, and that's a great benefit.
This is what I learned from my Bible study on how to die to self and the benefits. I hope it helps in someway.
HOW IS "STEP 1" AND POWERLESSNESS AFFECTING ME? AND SHARE SOME EXPERIENCES GOD BROUGHT TO MIND…
The first step in the 12 Steps is a straight kick in the face to my"self". Admitting that I am powerless over "whatever it may be" and that my life has become unmanageable is a candid acknowledgement of defeat and truth of me being deceived by my own "self". Me understanding the fact that I am addicted to my"self" and are in need of recovery, or in others words I am "sick with self", I can't muster up my own healing, and are in need of the Great Physician Jesus (ref. Matt. 9:12), helps me to clearly see and believe that… "I am powerless"; "My life is unmanageable in ways I wouldn't have thought; "I do have a problem"; "I am normal, but I also need help"; and so on. Essentially, I've come to realize that recovery, or in this case Step 1 and my powerlessness, exposes my constant need of change and need of Jesus.
There is a quote by Harold Wilson that actually spurred what I'm speaking on. He said, "He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." This goes right in line with what this book says, "The only alternatives we have, other than surrender [changing our current course of living], [is] to go totally insane or to die." Praise God for Him showing me that I was in need of change/recovery and moving me into it, because I was truly going insane without it.
I am a current recovering rage-a-holic. I have a temper problem. My anger is actually one of my thorns; it constantly shows me my need for Jesus. You take Jesus out the way and I will again be enslaved to my fleshly passions and defects.
One day God showed me I had a temper problem and it was too big for me to handle on my own. What makes it so bad is my temper is only exhibited on my wife and kids. Which sucks because they matter the most to me. They are the last people I want to expend my frustrations, irritations, and lose my temper on. So, I took advice from a friend of mine, who you guys happen to know, and I got some counseling. During my counseling I learned some things about myself but the main thing I learned, which I knew but was still deceived by it, the real reason behind my flares of rage and such is… can you guess… SELFISHNESS.
Rage is the front for the true issue. My real problem is the big "S" issue, SELF. Now, my big "S" issue is not where I want it to be, but thank God it's not where it use to be. I still struggle! But my recovery from my real issue is coming in me walking forwardly one step at a time. Or, like Abraham Lincoln said, "I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." And that's been true in my life.
I'll close with this. Pastor Pat said last Sunday he believes the reason we don't utilize more of the power of the Holy Spirit is because we have a greater vision of our limitations than we have a greater vision of God's power. On the Ravi Zacharias radio broadcast, Ravi said, "When we don't go with God we are always restless for we're constantly moving in the opposite direction." From what has been shared, I hope we all see that "Self" is a formidable foe that seeks to deceive us about our addiction to selfishness, self-centeredness, selfish desires, selfish pursuits, selfish ambition, selfish tendencies, etc, etc, "Self" deceives us about our need for recovery, "Self" obstructs our obtaining wholeness, and ultimately, as we can see from our own lives, "Self" destroys us and what we treasure.
On the other hand we see our recovery is nothing more than coming to the truth that we are moving in the opposite direction of God and need to change our current course of living (surrendering to God's way), and then having a greater vision of God's power than that of our addictions/dependencies/limitations so that we can fully experience the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives as He transforms us more into the likeness of Jesus each step of our recovery.
My challenge to us is that we all seek the most benefiting recovery from the deception and destruction of "Self" and then help others to do the same. Amen.
(Also, after this blog I'll post the ""Self" Awareness" mini-sheet I made as a handy reminder for everyone).
9/2008
